Waiting for a Proposal…

…Package that is…

A proposal package for what might just be my three children.

That’s right, three.

Get all of the “Gru” jokes out of your system now…  OK, are you done?

• Yes, I’m single.
• Yes, I’m a first time mom.
• And yes – I just might be crazy.

But this opportunity came up, and right after another group of three that I was actually starting to consider. There were a few little things that made me uncomfortable about the other group, though I was still considering it, and I feel like it was the little nudge I needed to “grow” in my heart and mind enough to consider three at all. It was the “prep-work” for this next step.

Because when I’d reached a place where I had internally said “OK Ali, why not three?” that one fell through, and almost immediately this one came up.

Three girls. 

When my social worker approached me with the initial information she talked about H (8), who is cleared for adoption and who has two sisters, D (7) and M (6) who are not yet cleared for adoption, but the application has been made.

H’s profile sounded wonderful, I loved that she is a reader, and I loved the descriptions of what she likes to do, and what she is working on learning.

I felt connected with what I read about H in those few small paragraphs that is all you get at the first glance stage.

So my response was along the lines of, “I would want all three girls.”

It is true that one child does make me feel more nervous than two children, and well, three is just one more to love than two, so that can only be better… right?

My social worker relayed that to the guardianship worker and she responded that their plan is to keep all three girls together. She took the weekend to read my home study and my blog, (hello B if you’re still reading), and came back and said she felt like I might be “the mom” for these girls.

Wow. Writing that just now made me tear up. My heart explodes with love and a range of other emotions (a touch of fear for sure) thinking about it. This is really happening. I am so grateful.

Over that same weekend I thought about them too, I wrote a list of questions for my social worker to ask the guardianship worker when they spoke on Monday. (A whole page of questions!)

After they talked, I met with my social worker to get more information and the answers to those questions.

She told me as much information as she had. We talked for a good 2 hours and I took notes.

At the end of that time she asked me, “Do you want to see the proposal package? You can take 24 hours to let me know.”

24 hours, I didn’t need it.

Yes. I wanted the proposal package.

A proposal.

Though I’ve previously been married, I’ve never actually been proposed to – true story.

And I’ve said for many, many years, “I would like to receive a proposal just once in my life…just so I can experience it.” While I was talking about a marriage proposal, obviously (!), perhaps this is the proposal I have actually been waiting for my whole life!

The end result is the same – it will result in a family.

The proposal stage actually means that H, D, and M, are essentially “on hold” in the system and “mine” unless I decide otherwise.

Wow. More heart-blossoms, I feel so incredibly blessed.

I have been talking with friends about my three children, and I’m pretty certain I would not say no at this point.

So now we wait for the proposal package to arrive.

In the meantime, I have really started preparing, in ways that have surprised even me. I just put an offer on a townhouse after looking at the market for…. a full two weeks!

Buying a house was not something I believed I would need to do for a few months at least. Especially after a whole year from start to approval… but this part of the process… holy crow! It’s been fast!

A whirlwind.

I signed my home study and two weeks later I’m considering three children, and buying a townhouse?

Everything is moving very fast indeed.

My friends say that the swiftness of it must mean that “it’s meant to be” and I have to agree, I feel the same way. So I just keep moving forward feeling my way with my heart, and it feels like this is right – the girls, the timing, the townhouse….

When I signed the paperwork on the offer for the townhouse… I cried. Blubbered right there in the Starbucks with my realtor looking on with compassion “oh…don’t cry” she said. I cried harder.

It was too overwhelming for a moment; I am preparing to be a mom. I’m buying a house for my family.

This is so real.

So I cried.

I am planning for my three kids and I haven’t even read the file yet.

I know I live life emotionally…but I also feel that “emotionally” has worked for me – even when it hasn’t been pleasant, it’s always worked out in ways I couldn’t have imagined and way better than if I’d chosen a logical, easy, straightforward, (boring) path.

I will find out by end of day tomorrow if my offer will be accepted. However, I am already picking paint colours!

And I am looking forward to finding out what H, D, & M’s favourite colours are so we can paint their bedrooms and maybe put up some of those wall stickies…and finding out who wants to share a room. H & D? D & M? Or maybe they will want to be all three together… and leave the other room as a play room…!

Getting way ahead of myself but loving every moment.

Have you adopted? Did you “paint the walls” at the first glimmer of a proposal?

Warm smiles and Love,

Ali Jayne 🙂