Expectant Mother – Adoption Journey Series…
As a student of the law of attraction for many years now I realise that there are no coincidences in life, however, as a human being with a human life (and lots of contrary beliefs going on inside of me) for many years more than my learning of the law of attraction – sometimes I forget that everything coming to me was pre-paved by me and I have a “wow, how did this happen?” moment! I love those moments! This was one of them, the first of many in my desire to become an adoptive parent. The First Whisper that adoption was possible for me.
Jennifer and I were both volunteering in the VIP tent at our town’s largest summer festival over the August long weekend. I am on the committee for this festival and work wherever needed, that year it was the VIP tent. Jennifer is married to one of the committee members and has been volunteering for the VIP tent since its introduction a few years ago.
I’ve met Jennifer many times before and always enjoyed talking with her, however, we’d never gotten to the point of “what do you do?”
During those two long days standing around serving our VIP’s beer and wine, we started talking about all sorts of things. Eventually, our occupations came up and she told me that she is a social worker placing foster kids in our community.
I was interested immediately and I told her I’d thought about fostering children and might be interested one day, and I lightly mentioned that I’d really like to adopt children. (At this point I didn’t believe that was possible as a single person.)
We went about serving some more customers, while my mind whirred with questions, when the line died down I ventured…, “do you know much about the adoption system?”
She smiled – maybe she gets this all the time, tentative questions from hopeful almost 40 year old women who desperately want a family – “what would you like to know?” she asked.
Me: Well, I’m single, so… (I trailed off, as far I as I was concerned that was going to be the end of topic)
She: That’s ok, children are placed with single parents.
Me: REALLY?! (it came out like a roar from a hungry tiger)
She: Really. (there was that smile again, soft, kind, knowing)
Me: So, uh, how does it work? Does it take a long time? Does it cost much? I live in a one bedroom so I’m not really in a position to do it right now… and I don’t make that much money yet, but I’m starting to do some extra work to make more and I don’t know if I could afford it just yet but…. What are the children like? Do you have to foster first?…
She: (smiles, takes a deep breath and replies) It can take a while, usually around 2 years from start to placement. It doesn’t cost anything at all through the Ministry. Depending on the age of the child a one bedroom might be acceptable in the beginning. There is a lot of support and you’d be surprised what you can afford. You don’t have to foster first, but there is a placement period before adoption. The best thing to do would be to talk to Theresa, I can give you her details if you like?
Me: Wow. Thank you. (I turned away so she wouldn’t see the overjoyed tears of hope welling in my eyes, though I’m sure she wasn’t fooled by my sudden interest in the garbage can!)
Customers came and we served some more. We also talked about foster care and I said I would be open to that when I had a bigger place to live. I mentioned that I enjoy teenagers and would like to give homes to kids in need when I’m more “established” (larger house, better income – basically more financially stable).
At the end of the day after thinking about it ALL day, I asked the same questions again, posing them differently:
Me: Can I really adopt as a single person? That’s OK and done?
Me: And it doesn’t cost thousands of dollars?
Me: And I don’t have to own my own home? I can be renting?
She: No, and yes.
Me: And I should apply now, even if I’m not ready yet because it will take time?
She: Yes, definitely apply right away. Even when approved you don’t have to say yes right away, we will just keep bringing you children that match your profile and you never have to say yes until you’re ready.
Me: So… who would I talk to? (this was big for me, as it’s often frightening for me to boldly move forward in an area of uncertainty)
She gave me the details and I wrote them down.
My final comment to Jennifer: “thank you, I feel like I want to cry I’m so blown away by this information. I feel like this was the exact reason we worked together today and I feel so thankful.” Tears were welling in my eyes and I hugged her. She smiled (that same beautiful, loving, knowing smile).
We parted ways and I left feeling hopeful. So hopeful I almost levitated.
However, I did not follow up.
For about two weeks following our conversation I Googled information about it, found the Ministry site, read up on the process, and felt the excitement of possibilities. I daydreamed, and imagined. I talked excitedly to friends about it. And then got a little scared…
Was this the right thing to do? Was this the right thing for me? Was it the right thing for children? Was it wrong to adopt children without a partner? Would a single mother be enough?
I started to take notice of everything I was doing – I really loved my alone time, how would I write with children, how would I walk every day with children, how would I do yoga with children, how would I afford child care, and before and after school care, and schooling itself? How would I afford a bigger house, etc… I started to think about all of the reasons I wasn’t ready, I wasn’t suitable, I needed to get my act together financially and move into a bigger place.
But the knowledge that it was possible was so exciting to me.
So I formulated a plan – 2 years and I would do it. I started to think about ways I wanted to earn more money to afford to become a single parent, and I began an editing business (another of those “Wow, this is incredible” moments – and another story!).
The summer left us and winter commenced. I didn’t see Jennifer again until January of the following year (it might have even been February). I had thought a lot about our conversation and had mentally been preparing myself for taking the next step. We were both curling on separate teams one night, on different sheets next to each other. While waiting for our turn to sweep we started talking to one another about stuff “how are you, how was your summer, what’s new…etc.”
I said to her, “I still want to be an adoptive parent, but I don’t feel quite ready to get the ball rolling, I want to be more financially secure and have a bigger place etc…” she replied, “You should just start now because it will take a few years once you start the process.”
We saw each other maybe twice that month and she re-stated the same again, saying “give Theresa a call, get started now it will take time, and she’ll talk you through it.”
Once again, after our conversation I looked it up online, checked out the sites, read up on the process, and decided that I wasn’t ready.
Until that day in June, when out of the blue, and out of character, she called me during the day – at work – to ask if I wanted to attend the adoption seminar that evening. (See post Universal Forces)
That may have been the first day of the rest of my life! All thanks to this First Whisper…
Warm smiles and Love,Ali Jayne 🙂