Saturday, I attended my second adoption matching event.

This event was smaller and more intimate than the last one I attended.

In the entry foyer there were refreshments and pastries and a video running on a loop from the Dave Thomas Foundation reminding us all that “unadoptable is unacceptable”.

Inside the main room there were separate stations consisting of poster boards and laptops that ran a slideshow of the children being profiled at that station.

However, there were only 11 stations, with a total of 13 children profiled. Two of the stations profiled a sibling group of two.

I have to admit I was equally disappointed in the number of children profiled and grateful for the opportunity to see even 13 profiles with photos and information.

Anything that grants me the ability to interact and feel like I’m actually doing something in this “waiting” part of the journey is like food for the starved.

However, my hope for this event was a large room (think high school gymnasium, or basketball stadium) filled to the brim with stations of all the 1000+ kids available for adoption.

OK, so, this was my ideal situation and I did realise this was unlikely… still, I had hoped for at least 100 such stations, with social workers profiling more than one child at a time… perhaps even with an electronic listing available to look through of children currently under their umbrella.

My social worker attended the event and I told her that my expectations were for something bigger with more children profiled.

She explained that it all comes down to: time and resources.

My frustration at this was completely understood…it is a mirror of the frustration experienced by the social workers themselves. The lack of resources, including the limited time for them to make any strides in matching and placements, is the devil they work with every day.

To the governing body allocating the resources that they have to work with, I say:

Shame. On. You.

Lack of resources and funding is a terrible reason that children waiting for adoption and approved adoptive parents are not being brought together in a swifter manner.

Where is the line within the budget that says allowing 1000+ kids to go without a permanent family is OK? Who decides how many resources are adequate for those children who live for years without someone to call mom and/or dad?

Appalling.

And is not the fault of the social workers but of the system, and the funding and resources provided them.

Once again, I felt the strong desire to be able to have access to a database, to be able to look through the profiles myself (all of them) and decide what a match looks like for me.

I want to put that database together, one that is accessible to approved parents using a secured username/password, so that they can run their own searches and take some of the pressure off the already overloaded social workers. I believe that social workers would also like to be able to share such a resource with their waiting families.

We can live in hope.

Back to the event:

Of the children profiled, the two sibling groups stood out to me.

One group was twins, a boy and a girl aged 18 months. And the other group was two boys, aged 12 and 6.

Both profiles stated they are looking for a cultural match first. So it is unlikely I will be considered. Still, with such a small selection, it was good to see some profiles and pictures of kids that I felt I would like to explore as a potential match.

I have asked my social worker to express my interest in the twins, should a cultural match not be found for them. The write up and their happy little faces in the photos (and one slightly annoyed face!) made my heart say “yes!” I have also asked to discuss the two older boys a little more, again knowing they will likely be placed with a cultural match.

One of the things that I’ve appreciated most about these events, and any adoption related events, is meeting the social workers and other pre-adoptive families.

I met an adoptive mom at this weekend’s event who happened to also be one of the organisers as well as a social worker and team leader. She is a single mom and told me that at one point she had seven kids in her home through adoption and foster care. As a single parent! So inspiring. So amazing. I adore hearing positive stories like that because it gives me hope that I will be successful one day too. I wanted to talk with her more about her experiences, but she was called away to help at one of the stations and we didn’t connect again.

I also talked a little with two of the other social workers, and hope I made an impression.

My colourful one page (double-sided!) profile that I hand out did make an impression with several of the pre-adoptive parents and the social workers in the room, which was nice feedback.

One of the parents commented that she was feeling self-conscious about her own profile in comparison.

What was interesting about her comment was that she then moved easily around the room introducing herself to all of the social workers and struck up conversations as though it were second nature. While in contrast, I walked around trying not to make eye contact for too long in case someone asked me a question! I can be quite uncomfortable making snap conversation in person. (Surprisingly, when I am in front of an audience then I am an adept and comfortable public speaker…but one on one… not so much!)

I will admit that I felt a pang of jealousy at her ability to strike up a conversation and smoothly talk about herself. She seemed perfectly comfortable to walk up to someone with arm outstretched and say “Hi, I’m…” and launch into a conversation with ease about her adoption plans.

So we all have our strengths.

It was good to see a clear demonstration of the differences between us, and find that feeling of understanding in it.

My strength is on the page (or on the stage!), for others it is in conversation or one-on-one. Neither strength is greater or lesser than the other.

And in this adoption environment…just as no two kids are the same (not even twins!); no two potential parents are the same either. 🙂

Thank goodness for that… right? Like an intricate puzzle the right pieces will come together to make many a beautiful picture.

At the end of this matching event my SW and I went for lunch and discussed the children we’d seen along with one other child we had discussed previously who is available for concurrent placement.

The AFABC website explains Concurrent Placement as follows:

Concurrent planning describes the process of working towards reunification of a child with their biological family, while at the same time (concurrently), creating a back-up plan of adoption. A specific foster family is chosen who is willing to provide temporary care and willing to adopt if reunification is not successful. Foster parents and prospective adoptive parents interested in concurrent planning must understand the high-risk nature of such a placement. Caregivers must be comfortable committing to care for a child whose permanency plan is not yet determined.

This possibility for me will take careful consideration and a lot more information. Along with the risks to consider, I am not certain if I’m willing to let go of my current hope to adopt a sibling group of two.

All in all, the day was another great adventure in this adoption journey.

Perhaps I won’t be matched with either of the sibling groups, and perhaps no other matches will come from it, but it is another step forward.

And, although I had high hopes for access to a greater number of profiles, I am still so very thankful to the organisers and social workers that took the time out of their weekend to put this event together. Getting the opportunity to see any profiles with photos and information is so greatly appreciated by me.

There may even be another event sometime in May, so I’m hoping for that gymnasium sized event (!) and a clear match at the next one…if not before.

Have you adopted? Did you see your children for the first time at a matching event?

Warm smiles and Love,

Ali Jayne 🙂