Screaming for help – Final Words

Final words on Screaming for Help!

Continued from Part Seven

It’s been a long journey, and while the healing is not yet over there is now light at the end of the tunnel.

I’m still seeing the physio once a week, still doing the exercises daily, still waking to stiffness and pain (though it subsides relatively quickly with massage and movement), and still unable to do a down-dog!

Update: I did actually do one this morning, and it was painful in my shoulder, but not my elbow! What I found though was that bending my elbow while weight bearing is still quite painful. Still, I did a down-dog! Woop-Woop! Continue reading Screaming for help – Final Words

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Magic, Miracles, and other Wonders

During the past few weeks, coincidentally (or not), while I was on vacation I reconnected with that feeling that everything in my life is coming together in perfect harmony.

What a relief!

When I relax, when I let go of how my desired outcome should happen, when I start focusing on what I have that makes me feel happy and joyful and grateful, AND, when I stop focusing on what is missing, when I stop feeling like a victim of circumstances out of my control (on both a small scale, say a traffic light going red when I’m late…or a much larger scale), when I focus on imagining the ways in which life could work out for me and then I back it up with the ways in which life has already worked out for me…

Then “miraculous” things start happening. Continue reading Magic, Miracles, and other Wonders

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A moment of self-reflection

I-am-ready-to-open-my

This past weekend I have taken a step back from the position of “expectant mom” and just rested in being who I am right now; reconnecting with me.

One thing that has stood out to me is that I had stepped up my “need to control” a notch after getting ready to be a mom to H & B, mentally, emotionally, and physically (as best as I could) preparing to join with them in family… and that family not working out. Continue reading A moment of self-reflection

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Paint the walls Pink!

Waiting for a Proposal…

…Package that is…

A proposal package for what might just be my three children.

That’s right, three.

Get all of the “Gru” jokes out of your system now…  OK, are you done?

  • Yes, I’m single.
  • Yes, I’m a first time mom.
  • And yes – I just might be crazy.

But this opportunity came up, and right after another group of three that I was actually starting to consider. There were a few little things that made me uncomfortable about the other group, though I was still considering it, and I feel like it was the little nudge I needed to “grow” in my heart and mind enough to consider three at all. It was the “prep-work” for this next step.

Because when I’d reached a place where I had internally said “OK Ali, why not three?” that one fell through, and almost immediately this one came up.

Three girls.  Continue reading Paint the walls Pink!

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Surname update

 

As happens with all questions that linger in your mind, the answer seems to come in surprising and delightful ways…

Last week I posted how I felt conflicted about giving my surname to my future children because I no longer have contact with my stepfamily.

At an annual community event I met a little girl who changed my perspective and like a little angel gave me the answer that I had been seeking. Continue reading Surname update

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The seeds we sow

Since starting the adoption process about 10 months ago, I’ve been more aware of the stories I tell myself, the words I use over and over again, the beliefs that I hold, and questioning how they affect my life.

Do these stories enhance my life or do they limit me?

I was talking the other day with a friend and we got onto the subject of rice.

He told me how rice lasts forever once you cook it. He said, “You can keep it for weeks after cooking it.”

I replied, “Oh no you can’t! It’s a big germinator. It’s got a very short life. Two days in the fridge, three max.” Continue reading The seeds we sow

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Adoption – Absence of Adults

As grateful as I am for the life I have now, for the person I have been, for the person I have become and am becoming, for the way I’ve always landed on my feet, and the way things always work out for me, for the friends I have who have become family, for the experiences I’ve lived – and the ones I’ve survived – for the courage I’ve shown and the things I’ve taught myself.

As grateful as I am for all of my life – I still feel the absence of that family behind me.

Not my family of friends, I know they are my family forever. They are the people with whom I will share the journey of life for the rest of our lives and I’m so, so grateful. Still, they are my peers; they are my age.

What I miss sometimes, is the presence of “adults” in my life, older people – people who are the age that my parents would be, or the age my grandparents would be. Continue reading Adoption – Absence of Adults

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Adoption – The Missed Period

I had almost given up on having a family and children. Until earlier last year when I missed a period, it was almost 4 weeks overdue before it arrived.

In this time my mind went into overdrive:

  • After two days overdue (they are always on time) I started to daydream about being pregnant, especially when I’d had all the usual signs and symptoms that my period was coming in the week leading up to it,
  • after 4 days I started to allow myself to toy more with the idea,
  • after 7 days I allowed myself to start to believe it was possible,
  • after two weeks I was CERTAIN that we (the man in the story) had created a miracle (he’s been fixed, but a Google search rendered many a happy conception after “fixing”).

At that point I went to get a blood test; I was so certain that it was going to be positive I was buzzing with excitement. The doctor gave me a referral and I had the test done on a Saturday. Then I had to wait until Tuesday to get the results (small town, busy doctors).

Well, you all know the results… Continue reading Adoption – The Missed Period

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Adoption – Still on the path…

Therapist weighs in:

If you remember from the last post it had been suggested that I undertake therapy for the purposes of demonstrating I was sufficiently healed from my past and ready to be a mom.

When Theresa, my adoption social worker, emailed to book an appointment with me to discuss the next steps I was excited. This meant the therapist had weighed in with her and I would find out where we were now in the process.

However, I still had a tentatively booked appointment with the therapist for the weekend before the meeting with Theresa. So I called the therapist and asked her if we needed to keep the meeting.

She told me that she had provided her report to Theresa, so we cancelled the tentative appointment, and then followed up with “if you want to schedule an appointment after you have met with Theresa to discuss the outcome, I will be here for you.”

Uh… sure. Continue reading Adoption – Still on the path…

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When I became my own best friend…

Guest Post for Create Write Now

It is such an honour to be invited to guest post on another person’s blog. It is an even greater honour when the blog is not only a site that provides heartfelt advice for personal transformation, but is also about a topic close to my heart.

This week I got to write a guest post for Create Write Now.

Create Write Now focuses on changing your life through the medium of Journal writing. This is an inspired site created by Mari L. McCarthy, who is an author, coach, guide, mentor, journal writer, and musician.

I have been journaling (almost) daily since 2003 and found my greatest friend in the process.

Here is my post:

When I became my own best friend…

“In 2003, after years of dreaming about it, I changed my life by embarking on a solo adventure from Australia to Canada with the intention of moving countries permanently…”   Read the full post here.

If you have never written in a journal or have not thought of using your existing practice of Journaling to change your life, check out Mari’s site. You will find a stream of information on using this wonderful practice to connect with your best you. Something – I feel – we should all strive for in this short lifetime.

Whether you are interested in changing or enhancing your career, losing weight, unleashing your inner creative god/goddess, or connecting with the deepest parts of yourself, Mari has the tools to do this.

Please take a moment to visit her site, as I am sure you will find at least one key to open your life to new, exciting, possibilities…

Warm smiles and Love,

Ali Jayne 🙂

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