The feel of a newborn

new babyLast week my friend and co-worker gave birth to a precious little baby girl 🙂

Little K.E. joined her family on May fourth and became little sister to two year old A.J. Both parents are ecstatic to have two healthy, happy, little girls in their family. And I am overjoyed for them.

While I have only known my friend for a little over a year, we seemed to be kindred spirits and hit it off from that very first meeting. She feels like family, and that makes her family also feel like family.

I was privileged to be a part of this pregnancy pretty much from the day after they decided to start trying for their second child. I was also privy to the news of the pregnancy as soon as they found out and I had to keep the secret right along with them, until it was time to share it.

I got to watch her grow and change and go through the motions (like sickness) and emotions (like tears), and the whole experience has been an incredible honour for me in ways I’m not certain I have the vocabulary to share.

Especially as someone who may never get to experience the gift of creating life within my own body. Continue reading The feel of a newborn

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Alone in the end

Last night I watched a movie where the father (who was also a grandfather), died. It wasn’t the focal point of the movie, but it was a significant part of the story.

It made me think about my own parents, and cry buckets of tears.

The man in the movie had his family rallying around him in the end, even his son who hadn’t seen him for many, many years showed up for his last dying moments.

I was not there for, or even aware of, my dad’s passing, and I likely won’t know of my mom’s either until after it happens. Continue reading Alone in the end

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The waiting game

In a post from about a month ago I briefly outlined the twins that I was drawn to at the Be My Parent – matching event.

They were, at the time, 18 months old (likely closer to 20 months now), a boy and a girl whose names start with M, and have an Aboriginal background. In the last post I mentioned that they were looking for a cultural match so I may not be considered, however, I have re-read the profile many times since then and it states only that a cultural match is preferred, which to me means that it is not essential. So this has increased my hope of being the right match for these two.

Though my social worker has sent several emails to the guardianship workers for M & M, we are still waiting to hear if I will be considered as a potential match for them, or if they have another potential match already.

So now we play… the waiting game. Continue reading The waiting game

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The Sainthood of Adoption

Saint-Virtuous-Person-a

Saint:

“Virtuous Person: a particularly good or holy person, or one who is exceptionally kind and patient in dealing with difficult people or situations.”

Sometimes I find it difficult to talk about adoption in public situations, with acquaintances, or people that I meet at a social gathering.

I feel uncomfortable with the “sainthood” with which they bestow upon me.

Comments like:

  • “Wow, that’s such an amazing thing you are doing.”
  • “It’s so wonderful that you feel able to give homes to children who need it.”
  • “What a great thing you are doing for those kids.”
  • “You are such a good person.”
  • “Those kids will be so lucky to have you.”
  • “You are so brave.”
  • “I could never do what you’re doing.”
  • “They deserve a good home.”

I realise these are all well-intentioned, well-meaning comments. I realise that it’s a different, uncommon topic that comes up and most people just frankly don’t know what to say. I understand where the comments come from… Continue reading The Sainthood of Adoption

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Celebration of Life

I went to a Celebration of Life this past weekend.

My friend’s husband went to sleep one night and did not wake up. He was in his 40’s and she is in her 30’s.

Listening to his closest friends and his family talking about the man he was in life and the man he was to them individually was deeply moving.

It made me think about the shortness of life, the fragility, the necessity to seize every moment and make it the best you can make it.

The time we have on this earth is, for the most part, unknown.

Some people choose their exit consciously, sure, but most of us go along in our day-to-day business as though we have unlimited time.

And even when we’re aware that our time is getting shorter – such as reaching a milestone age like: 30, or 40, or 50, or 60, and so on, we still feel that our time is at least more than today, more than tomorrow, more than this week, or this month, or this year.

The result is we live life accordingly, as though Continue reading Celebration of Life

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Happy Birthday

Last week I had a birthday…

Last week H also had a birthday.

Although I had been told not to contact her foster mom any more, I couldn’t let her birthday go without sending something to say I was thinking of her.

I’d been planning on being there for it. We were going to work together, her foster mom and I, to make her party a success.

I felt bad that I wasn’t there, and sad that I wouldn’t get to be.

Her foster mom replied to my email and said that she was glad I’d reached out and that she was still hoping I would change my mind.

I wish that were possible.

If only. Continue reading Happy Birthday

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A moment of self-reflection

I-am-ready-to-open-my

This past weekend I have taken a step back from the position of “expectant mom” and just rested in being who I am right now; reconnecting with me.

One thing that has stood out to me is that I had stepped up my “need to control” a notch after getting ready to be a mom to H & B, mentally, emotionally, and physically (as best as I could) preparing to join with them in family… and that family not working out. Continue reading A moment of self-reflection

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This was your choice…

Life-is-sometimes

I shared this article by Sarah Hitchcock from Parent Dish in the UK, about what adoptive parents wish their friends and family understood, with a support group of pre-and-post-adoptive parents.

One of the responses I received was this:

“The one thing that I have found is that it is difficult to talk to family and friends about any difficulties I may be having…”

Because they often got this response:

“You must have known it wouldn’t be easy adopting a teenager.”

To me that statement seemed to be leaving an unspoken ending to the likes of, “so shut your pie-hole about your problems.Continue reading This was your choice…

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How do you deal with the personal prying questions?

I-had-a-total-Ally

It has been highly intriguing the difference in reactions to my adopting an older child vs. a younger child.

Some reactions from people have made me feel urm… strong emotions.

Here is the general response to my adopting an 18 month old: Continue reading How do you deal with the personal prying questions?

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Three becomes Two

On September 23, 2014, I accepted a proposal to adopt H and her youngest sister B!

I’m going to be a mom!

As mentioned briefly in my last post, it was decided that H would be better paired with her youngest sibling rather than the middle two. There were several reasons for this change. Continue reading Three becomes Two

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