Distance from the path

it-feels-as-though-IveRecently we had an annual festival in my town, and I am heavily involved both at an organisational committee level and as a volunteer through the weekend.

This time I was also “official photographer” for the festival website.

What was interesting to me this year which differed from the last few years was that I did not connect the festivities with my future adoption. Continue reading Distance from the path

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The feel of a newborn

new babyLast week my friend and co-worker gave birth to a precious little baby girl 🙂

Little K.E. joined her family on May fourth and became little sister to two year old A.J. Both parents are ecstatic to have two healthy, happy, little girls in their family. And I am overjoyed for them.

While I have only known my friend for a little over a year, we seemed to be kindred spirits and hit it off from that very first meeting. She feels like family, and that makes her family also feel like family.

I was privileged to be a part of this pregnancy pretty much from the day after they decided to start trying for their second child. I was also privy to the news of the pregnancy as soon as they found out and I had to keep the secret right along with them, until it was time to share it.

I got to watch her grow and change and go through the motions (like sickness) and emotions (like tears), and the whole experience has been an incredible honour for me in ways I’m not certain I have the vocabulary to share.

Especially as someone who may never get to experience the gift of creating life within my own body. Continue reading The feel of a newborn

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Magic, Miracles, and other Wonders

During the past few weeks, coincidentally (or not), while I was on vacation I reconnected with that feeling that everything in my life is coming together in perfect harmony.

What a relief!

When I relax, when I let go of how my desired outcome should happen, when I start focusing on what I have that makes me feel happy and joyful and grateful, AND, when I stop focusing on what is missing, when I stop feeling like a victim of circumstances out of my control (on both a small scale, say a traffic light going red when I’m late…or a much larger scale), when I focus on imagining the ways in which life could work out for me and then I back it up with the ways in which life has already worked out for me…

Then “miraculous” things start happening. Continue reading Magic, Miracles, and other Wonders

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Adoption – Staying Open

Staying-open-can-beOne of the challenges in this adoption process is staying open to the possibilities and not closing your heart after the first (or second, or third, or fourth) heartbreak.

I struggled with this for a few months after the planned placement with H&B fell through. At first I tried to tell myself I was OK, because the decision was mine to step back and say “this is not a good match for anyone involved” and I felt it was a good decision, the right decision.

What I didn’t expect at that time was that eventually the loss of the dream of the family I imagined we would be would catch up with me, and I would feel grief. Continue reading Adoption – Staying Open

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Caged bird

I am currently on vacation from work… woop-woop!

Never have I needed time off as much as I did this time around because I’ve never before worked in a job like the one I have right now.

I feel a bit like a slave to my employer. Overtime has become a part of my everyday existence for at least 3 weeks out of every month, and I don’t like it. Continue reading Caged bird

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My mom

The-desire-to-adopt-inMy Mom (or mum, where I grew up)

So I have been thinking a little about my mom lately, she has popped into my mind a few times in the last couple of weeks and each time I think about writing to her again.

But, what to say?

She hasn’t responded to the last three cards (with enclosed letters) I’ve sent.

In fact, we haven’t spoken since the “India fiasco” of 2013. (Too much of a story to write for you here, but it may appear in the memoir Mother, My.) Though, full-disclosure, I may have received a birthday card that same year from her but I am not certain…it’s been a long time.

The last words I said verbally to her were “you are making me feel so angry right now” followed by a hang up of the phone.

Right now those words send little rivers of silent tears down my cheeks to pool just under my chin. I hope that her sometimes addled mind has forgotten those words and remembers instead kinder words from a different time. Continue reading My mom

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The Sainthood of Adoption

Saint-Virtuous-Person-a

Saint:

“Virtuous Person: a particularly good or holy person, or one who is exceptionally kind and patient in dealing with difficult people or situations.”

Sometimes I find it difficult to talk about adoption in public situations, with acquaintances, or people that I meet at a social gathering.

I feel uncomfortable with the “sainthood” with which they bestow upon me.

Comments like:

  • “Wow, that’s such an amazing thing you are doing.”
  • “It’s so wonderful that you feel able to give homes to children who need it.”
  • “What a great thing you are doing for those kids.”
  • “You are such a good person.”
  • “Those kids will be so lucky to have you.”
  • “You are so brave.”
  • “I could never do what you’re doing.”
  • “They deserve a good home.”

I realise these are all well-intentioned, well-meaning comments. I realise that it’s a different, uncommon topic that comes up and most people just frankly don’t know what to say. I understand where the comments come from… Continue reading The Sainthood of Adoption

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Celebration of Life

I went to a Celebration of Life this past weekend.

My friend’s husband went to sleep one night and did not wake up. He was in his 40’s and she is in her 30’s.

Listening to his closest friends and his family talking about the man he was in life and the man he was to them individually was deeply moving.

It made me think about the shortness of life, the fragility, the necessity to seize every moment and make it the best you can make it.

The time we have on this earth is, for the most part, unknown.

Some people choose their exit consciously, sure, but most of us go along in our day-to-day business as though we have unlimited time.

And even when we’re aware that our time is getting shorter – such as reaching a milestone age like: 30, or 40, or 50, or 60, and so on, we still feel that our time is at least more than today, more than tomorrow, more than this week, or this month, or this year.

The result is we live life accordingly, as though Continue reading Celebration of Life

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Happy Birthday

Last week I had a birthday…

Last week H also had a birthday.

Although I had been told not to contact her foster mom any more, I couldn’t let her birthday go without sending something to say I was thinking of her.

I’d been planning on being there for it. We were going to work together, her foster mom and I, to make her party a success.

I felt bad that I wasn’t there, and sad that I wouldn’t get to be.

Her foster mom replied to my email and said that she was glad I’d reached out and that she was still hoping I would change my mind.

I wish that were possible.

If only. Continue reading Happy Birthday

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Aboriginal Adoption Online Training Course

Adoption Online (AOL) Training Course:

Aboriginal-Online-Course

This course run by the Indigenous Perspectives Society is one I have recommended again and again to families who are either thinking about adoption or have adopted. And yet, I realised I have never posted a review about it.

This is what it says on the website about the course:

Welcome to the Aboriginal Pre-Adoption online training course (AOL). This course is delivered over an 8-week period, accessible 24 hours a day, requiring approximately 3-5 hours a week participant time commitment. AOL is a flexible self-paced and asynchronous engaging course delivered via IPS’s Moodle learning management system. The training is applicable for caregivers (pre/post adoptive parents, foster parents) social workers, interdisciplinary professionals and to anyone working in the field of Aboriginal/Indigenous child and family service delivery. We can easily modify AOL to suite your specific needs.

The AOL course identifies historical and contemporary impacts of colonization and the regeneration of positive culture identity development. The learning from the activities will support a commitment to creating and maintaining connections through promoting holistic well-being of Indigenous children.

This course for pre-(or post, I believe)-adoptive parents is funded by the MCFD (i.e. free to you) so contact your social worker and ask to be included in the next round.

Prior to this course I didn’t really know much at all about Aboriginal history in Canada (or anywhere else for that matter) Continue reading Aboriginal Adoption Online Training Course

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