21dp6dt Beta Results

Though my doctor had said I didn’t need to take the final blood test on the Friday after our last appointment, I decided to take it anyway.

The results: 10,817 – doubled in three days!

You see, now that I’d done 15 pee tests, and had three blood tests, all confirming I was pregnant – I started to become scared of losing it.

Every day I monitored how I felt, the symptoms I was having and whether they were ‘strong enough’ or the ‘right ones’ that proved I was “still” pregnant.

Oh boy.

So Friday came and I did the final test. I was feeling pretty good about it when I mentioned to the girl doing the bloods that this was my fourth test and that the other three were positive so I was feeling excited to get these results too.

She replied, “oh, that’s great news. We don’t ask because people come in for these tests either when their pregnant or when they’ve just miscarried.”

Just hearing that terrifying word put a dampener on my day and I started to worry about the results. What if they didn’t multiply enough, what if they decreased instead of increased.

I almost worried myself sick for the next few hours, so I spent some time meditating and then giving myself the usual pep-talks, including “no matter what happens we’ll be okay.”

On Sunday I woke feeling great. Wonderful even. No nausea, no tiredness, no sore boobs, no….

Wait! OH MY GOODNESS… NO SYMPTOMS!

Panic hit me. Pure panic.

I wanted to vomit out of sheer worry–not from nausea–and that made me want to cry.

Pep talks were not helping. So I did what any mother-to-be in this age would do…I Googled.

Thankfully, there were lots of positive accounts of symptoms coming and going and that it was nothing to be concerned about.

This helped for a while, but by the end of the day I’d worked myself up into a frenzy of panic once more.

So I peed on yet another stick, got an almost instant and super dark second line, and finally relaxed.

Monday morning, as if in punishment of my lack of faith, the symptoms returned in full force! Then I wondered why I hadn’t enjoyed a full symptom-free day!!

By Tuesday I was back to normal with the symptoms and my level of faith.

My appointment with my doctor was right after work and he’d asked me to come with a full bladder.

I did.

Once again, when you have a full bladder you should have priority…!!! I did not get priority, there were three people in front of me.

When I did get to see him we did the ultrasound first and again he explained the equipment – which plugs into the regular computer – is not high quality and we may not see anything.

But we did see the gestational sac and the fetal pole (?). He said it was in a great position, and looking really good.

Then he said:

 “Wow, it’s big. They transferred two, right?”
Me: “Um no.”
Him: “Oh.”
Me: “Why? Do you see two?”
Him: “Uh…” pause… “No.” pause… “um, let’s see you every week for the next few weeks until you can get in for the stronger ultrasound.”
Me: “But everything looks good right?”
Him: “Oh yes, it looks very good, you’re in very good shape, it’s in a good position, looks good, growing well. Let’s just see you weekly for a little bit.”

Sure. Okay….

LOL! I’m not concerned. Not really. I’m chuffed that there was something on the screen to see…even if it was just an oblong looking dark spot!

Though this is not the first time someone has suggested more than one. Until someone tells me that for certain I will not worry about it. I’m feeling pretty certain I’m just having one nugget, but if there are two…we’ll just have more Love, that’s all.

He went on to say that we might see a heartbeat next week orfor sure the week after on his scanner – but that I would definitely see it on the real ultrasound when I eventually get an appointment (which might not be until Mid-May the ultrasound people told me last week when I followed up!).

I am pretty blown away that this pregnancy is holding and that the little nugget is growing! And that I’m pregnant! Oh my goodness…

Amazed!

And so very blessed…

Warm smiles and Love,

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Two Week Wait

The Two Week Wait…

Some people find this two week wait excruciating. They start testing at 5 days past (dp) and then stress because they’re not sure if they see a line or don’t see a line, so they post the photos and ask for others to weigh in, and then test again at 6dp, 7dp, 8dp, 9dp…many of them stressing themselves into little balls of hopelessness. A part of me envies their excitement.

I was the opposite. I found the idea of testing terrifying. Continue reading Two Week Wait

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PUPO! in Olomouc

Olomouc in early morning fog…

I woke the day after transfer in Olomouc (pronounced: Olomotz) and felt….no different.

Of course, I was now officially considered Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise (PUPO), but I felt no different to the way I’d felt the day before, or the one before that.

This was a little disappointing, because I wanted to feel something that would “prove” to me that I was pregnant, Continue reading PUPO! in Olomouc

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Transfer Day – Part 2

March 30, 2017, continued…

Having communicated with my future little one in my journal, I was feeling calmer and ready for what was to come next… though still a bit disconnected.

Acupuncture:

L the acupuncturist arrived on time at 9am.

For some reason I stalled a bit getting to her. I guess things were starting to get real.

The hotel helped me stall, by making the elevator take forever. I was on the 7th floor, the top floor, and sometimes the elevator actually took 10 minutes to arrive. This was one of those times. I was grateful for the breather.

L was lovely, she took the time to explain things on the way up in the elevator and set my mind at ease when we got to the room, explaining again what to do. Take of your leggings (I was wearing a dress with leggings) lay on the bed, head at the foot. And she went to wash her hands.

That was a good sign, Continue reading Transfer Day – Part 2

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Transfer Day – Part 1

March 30, 2017 – Transfer Day – Olomouc, Czech Republic

How do I feel?

I wish I could say I was excited. I wish I was excited.

I don’t feel anything much at all really. It’s just another day. I woke at 5:30am to insert the Progesterone, dozed for another 45 minutes or so, then did my early morning Reiki session, followed by my morning dose of Estrogen, showered, went to breakfast, and now I’m here waiting for the Acupuncturist to arrive so she can do her thing.

Like a… well, I actually don’t know what… I’ve just adapted to the new normal. Continue reading Transfer Day – Part 1

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Hello from Prague!

After missing my connection in Paris, I finally arrived in Prague at around 8pm at night….unfortunately, my luggage did not accompany me and I was told by the luggage counter that it should make its way to Prague by lunchtime the following day!

Still in good spirits though – even with 24 hours of sleep deprivation and travel, missed connecting flights, bleeding scares, and missing luggage!

I owe a good portion of my spirits to S, the beautiful soul originally from Prague who lives in my condo building, and who happened to be visiting her mom in Prague at the same time as me!  Amazing right? Continue reading Hello from Prague!

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A missed connection and a little spotting

The day finally arrived to fly out of the country toward my destiny, or at least toward the Czech Republic where I was going to have an embryo transfer in the hope of having a baby.

That morning I went through the routine as normal; insert four progesterone balls, take the estrogen tablet, perform a Reiki session and a little meditation, snuggle with my kitty who I would miss terribly, shower, dress, and wait for the cat-sitter to arrive.

Then I was on the road, tunes playing, feeling a little bubble of nerves building within my gut.

I pushed those feelings away and focused on the road, on the drive.

Occasionally I’d allow my mind to wander and I thought not of the transfer, but of the result. I imagined my son or daughter in the back seat of the car, as a five year old, preparing to go for a vacation somewhere. I imagined talking with them, or singing to them, I imagined what it would feel like to be a  mom. Continue reading A missed connection and a little spotting

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A “go” for transfer

My next appointment was not with my regular doctor because he was away, I had to see someone else to get my test results.

When I made the appointment I’d asked to see my doctor’s wife, at his suggestion, but she too was not working that day. So I told the receptionist that I just needed results and any doctor would do.

She had said there was one doctor available, then said the doctor’s name so quietly I had to ask her to repeat it.

When she did, I said that would be fine. I’d never heard of this doctor but I just needed results…anyone would do!

There was a pause on the phone and then she said, “are you sure?” as though surprised. Continue reading A “go” for transfer

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Final ultrasound before transfer

This time I took the day off. The full bladder thing and all.

Plus, there was a time constraint.

I needed to get my results to the clinic in the Czech Republic before the end of the day, because it was Thursday in Canada, Friday in Olomouc, and I was scheduled to fly out of the country on Sunday. The results of this scan would determine if and when I was to start the progesterone.

I had to have a lining of at least 7mm or more. If I did not…well, I didn’t want to think about it. I was so close.

The full bladder… Continue reading Final ultrasound before transfer

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My Magnificent Body

I am feeling grateful for my magnificent body. A wondrous feeling!

On Friday, like clockwork, as expected my body produced the last period I will have before the transfer.

Earlier in the week I had a few moments of panic that I made the wrong decision to not use birth control to regulate my flow. Everyone online talked about using it to ensure the transfer date; even those who had regular periods without it, but it didn’t sit right with me. The BCP felt like a step in the wrong direction.

Even my doctor thought it might be a good idea to go on it, but I wanted to trust my body and do this as “naturally” as possible. I didn’t feel right about adding more drugs to the mix.

Perhaps my way of having control of the situation a little more!

Always comes back to control with me! Haha. Continue reading My Magnificent Body

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