O Canada – Home is where the heart is…
Since announcing to the world that I passed the citizenship test and how excited I was to be on the home stretch, I have had many people comment:
“Wow, that’s a really big decision.” Or “That’s a really big step.”
And it got me thinking – is it a really big decision?
To me, it wasn’t. It’s something I have wanted for 10 years now, and moving countries is something I have wanted to do since I was a child, so for me, it was more like “Finally!” than “Holy cow this is a big step.”
However, I started thinking about the people making the comment and how for them it might be a huge decision. Many have lived their lives in a place that they called home, that has felt like home from the minute they emerged, likely with a group of people that they called family, and a sturdy base from which to grow and expand (and for many, not too far from where they were created). And even if they travelled – even extensively – they still did so with that sense of home waiting for them.
And under those circumstances it would be a really big decision.
To say goodbye to your family, to your home, to the friends you’ve had since childhood. It would definitely be a big step.
I wasn’t leaving behind a family, or a childhood/family home, or even childhood friends (we moved a bit when I was growing up).
However, at the time I left Australia, I had found myself in the closest family situation that I’d ever had in my life. It was the most loving, supportive, accepting, understanding group of friends who have become my forever family. Without the foundation of their love, I may not have been brave enough to leave. Not having somewhere to return if things go belly-up was what stopped me from moving forward for many, many years – what if I failed, where would I go, who would I turn to? Those questions unanswered had paralyzed me.
That home base, that feeling of family that you never want to leave – or that makes you feel like you can explore and soar with the safety net of a place to return – that is really important.
For me it wasn’t about saying goodbye to my home, it was saying hello to a place that finally felt like home. The experiences, the people, the landscapes, the climate, everything felt good to me here. It was a fresh start, and a chance to reinvent myself.
My heart is happy at home here.
This line of questioning from others also had me thinking about how we all experience and process information from our own perspective.
Even if we try to intuit what another is thinking and feeling, or try to “put ourselves in their shoes” we still cannot help but see things from the vast array of experiences and beliefs that we personally hold, and from the emotional responses that those beliefs evoke within us.
The people who commented about it being “a big decision”, were commenting from the emotional reaction they were having inside of themselves when imagining moving from all that they call home to a new country, and then choosing to become a citizen of that country.
When I started to consider the point of view of those people, I felt really happy for them.
How amazing to love the place in which you were born, to be so surrounded by family, friends, and loved ones, that you couldn’t imagine moving away! What a gift! Or even if they had moved far away from their birthplace within their country of birth, to still feel that the country and its inhabitants were “home”. Be very grateful if this is you!
I aspire to create this outlook for my children.
There is another side to this topic, and that is the one of those who wish they could…
Sometimes, I have people comment to me that they wish they could have moved, or travelled, or explored the world, or left their partner, or found a new home. And for those people I feel sad, I know what it is to have lived a life wishing, yearning, dreaming of more – of adventure, of change of scenery, of new relationships, of love – real love, of joy, of passion, of romance, of fresh air, of mountains, or of cityscapes.
That was me, on and off, for 30 years.
That feeling like there is something else, somewhere else, someone else that you should be (or be with), it’s an awful feeling that slowly eats away at your insides, leaving a hollow shell covered by a phony smile.
The good news about a hollow shell is that it’s ready to be filled to the brim with new experiences, new hope, new joy, and new love. It’s ready, really ready, to move forward! The time is now!
I remember years and years of trying to make myself fit within what I had – to squash those yearnings by telling myself that “this is a good life for this reason, and this reason, and this reason.” I would convince myself for a time to be happy with my lot in life. But my heart wasn’t in it; I kept covering what I really felt in a blanket of logical reason.
If there is one thing I’ve learned in this life so far it’s that:
The heart knows no reason.
The heart is not about reason, or compromise, or logic.
The heart always wants what it wants and nothing the logical self can say will ever stop the heart from wanting what it wants, or from feeling the yearning for it.
So I feel for those people who look at my life with that wistful hunger, the sadness in their eyes that their life is over from the point of view of adventure, opportunity, and choice.
To them, I always respond with, “it’s never too late – there is always a choice.”
Though, I also know how easy it is to promise yourself you’ll make that change “one day”.
Yes, it’s a big deal packing up, selling everything, fitting what you can into a few suitcases, and moving across the world – I was terrified when I first left Australia, I postponed my flight three times before I actually got on the plane, but the thought of not going was far more terrifying to me. And the exhilaration of getting on that plane, of taking that step (twice!) was incredible.
Perhaps for some, the dream of taking off somewhere else was all they ever needed.
After all, dreams are as important as realities. Maybe even more so.
But out of 10 people who dream they could, at least one of them is really hurting that they didn’t or that they “can’t”. For those people, I wish to implore that you always have a choice!
I feel so thankful that I have found so many beautiful friends in Canada who feel that sense of home, sense of belonging, and have a loving supportive family that they cannot imagine leaving. I learn from you every day, and look forward to creating my own family unit that feels equally as grounded, safe, and happy.
Finding the country that feels like home was one of the greatest steps forward for me personally, I am so thankful that I took the plunge and made it happen. I am even more grateful to those people who gave me a place to call home so that I was able to feel safe in taking flight…thank you! I love you!
What about you? Do you have a stable loving home base in your country, in your town, in your city, with friends and family? Or do you yearn for a place you have not yet seen (or even one you have)?
With smiles and Love,
Ali Jayne 