The only catch with pursuing Embryo Adoption through the Czech Republic was that their laws are such that only a married couple can access these services. Male/female marriage to be precise.
Thankfully, two of the clinics that I contacted (out of the three) only required that I provide identification for my “husband”. He was not required to travel with me.
So I was in search of a friend who would provide me with a copy of their driver’s licence that I could send with my application.
As mentioned in the previous post, I privately messaged two male friends on Facebook and asked if they would help. “A” and “E”.
“A” replied almost immediately letting me know that he was fully supportive of my choice to have a baby, but was not comfortable providing his driver’s licence to make this happen.
I told him I understood – and I did, this was a big ask.
“E” had not yet replied; I had messaged both he and his wife so that she was aware of what I was asking and so they could discuss it to make a decision together.
A few days passed and I had not heard from him. I didn’t fret about it, just continued to trust that if this was the right path then everything I needed would come.
In the meantime, a girl friend told me that her boyfriend would be happy to let me use his documentation for this purpose and she would send me copies.
This was a relief, because I wanted to send my forms off to the clinic as soon as possible. However, I didn’t receive the documents from her right away and didn’t want to commit someone to paper until I had the documents in my hand.
So I was still husband-less.
Then on the Christmas weekend I spoke on the phone with “E”. It had been a while since we’d spoken and it was great to catch up. He told me that he and his wife were on board with helping me and he would scan and send his licence right away.
And he did.
Now I had a “husband” to use on the forms.
So grateful! And relieved. It felt right to me to be using a good friend, someone I loved and appreciated and knew well as my pretend husband, like good ju-ju for a positive baby outcome.
Sure, the fake husband had no impact on the donor or the procedure – only the approval to go ahead with the procedure – but still, it felt nice to have the support of someone I cared about and using his details as my husband’s details.
Filling in my preferences for the donors on the forms was not as easy as I’d thought it would be. I actually laboured over this a bit because I am attracted to blonde/red haired men with green or blue eyes, so had always imagined that my children would look like him. Not brown hair, hazel/brown eyes like me. I’d always found brown hair and brown eyes (hazel really) boring, and felt like I got the boring genes.
Did I select the donors as I wished my future husband to be, or to match who I am now – I mean what if “Mr Right” never shows up? And what if he does and he is as “boring” featured as me!
For a few days I sat on this question. Then I started noticing brown haired, brown eyed children everywhere. A little girl popped up in a Dr Wayne Dyer subscription email that I get weekly, and she was adorable. She looked like she could have been my daughter. On Facebook people were posting pictures, whether meme’s of random children with funny sayings or their own family photos, of brown haired/brown eyed children and I was finding myself yearning for a child that looked like me.
That settled, I decided to select the physical traits that I personally have for the female donor: brown hair, hazel/brown eyes. And for the male donor, I selected red or brown hair, and brown or green eyes (I do Love green eyes).
There was a space to list education and hobbies/sports of the donors. At first I thought I did not care about this section. But after some thought I realised that the hobbies especially were important to me. Musical ability/passion was important to me, as was artistic ability.
Just as for my adoption application I leaned more toward the quiet bookish child who loved to draw or create or read or play music, rather than the boisterous outdoorsy child, I knew if I could choose donors, these are the types of donors I’d rather. So I made note of music and the arts as being important. I even stated it in my return email.
Then I selected “university” level education (which was not too important to me) and I ignored the sports question altogether because I couldn’t care less about sports.
When I sent in my completed forms I told them that “E” would not be travelling with me and asked if they needed a copy of his driver’s licence now or later.
I was careful not to call him my husband, but instead to call him by name. I’m not entirely comfortable with the lie, but deeply want this opportunity to work out… so I’m willing to go along with the charade.
The clinic told me that they actually need a copy of his passport, signed and dated for the FET date so they can file it. They do not need a driver’s licence copy, only the passport.
I believed from discussions on the online forums that I could use a driver’s licence as his identification.
That meant that I had used his address – which is in another province to mine – as his address on the forms because his licence showed his address. Making it look like my “husband” lived in another province to me.
Making my application more “complicated” than it needed to be. I could have just put his address as my address. Sigh.
Luckily, as a writer, I’m skilled at creating backstory and I am ready if there are questions about our living in separate provinces. If I’m honest, I may even thrive on the whole creating a backstory, which is likely why I made the mistake of not clarifying in the first place.
Now I had to ask my friend to provide a copy of his passport instead. Fingers crossed he a) had a passport, and b) was willing to provide a copy.
If he didn’t have a passport I would have paid for him to get one.
Thankfully, he does have one and will scan me a copy… as soon as he finds it!
♥ Many, many, thanks to E and his wife, there is no way I could do this without the support of a male friend and I appreciate so much the gift that they have given. So much gratitude and Love for them both. ♥
Now I had my first set of medical tests, bloods & urine, done. I had a referral for an ultrasound (now also done), my doctor was on board, no one had mentioned my advancing age AT ALL, and I had a “husband” on my submitted forms.
This is really coming together.
I could hardly wait to hear from the clinic!
Or so I thought…
Warm smiles and Love,