Transfer Day – Part 1

March 30, 2017 – Transfer Day – Olomouc, Czech Republic

How do I feel?

I wish I could say I was excited. I wish I was excited.

I don’t feel anything much at all really. It’s just another day. I woke at 5:30am to insert the Progesterone, dozed for another 45 minutes or so, then did my early morning Reiki session, followed by my morning dose of Estrogen, showered, went to breakfast, and now I’m here waiting for the Acupuncturist to arrive so she can do her thing.

Like a… well, I actually don’t know what… I’ve just adapted to the new normal. Continue reading Transfer Day – Part 1

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My Magnificent Body

I am feeling grateful for my magnificent body. A wondrous feeling!

On Friday, like clockwork, as expected my body produced the last period I will have before the transfer.

Earlier in the week I had a few moments of panic that I made the wrong decision to not use birth control to regulate my flow. Everyone online talked about using it to ensure the transfer date; even those who had regular periods without it, but it didn’t sit right with me. The BCP felt like a step in the wrong direction.

Even my doctor thought it might be a good idea to go on it, but I wanted to trust my body and do this as “naturally” as possible. I didn’t feel right about adding more drugs to the mix.

Perhaps my way of having control of the situation a little more!

Always comes back to control with me! Haha. Continue reading My Magnificent Body

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Magic, Miracles, and other Wonders

During the past few weeks, coincidentally (or not), while I was on vacation I reconnected with that feeling that everything in my life is coming together in perfect harmony.

What a relief!

When I relax, when I let go of how my desired outcome should happen, when I start focusing on what I have that makes me feel happy and joyful and grateful, AND, when I stop focusing on what is missing, when I stop feeling like a victim of circumstances out of my control (on both a small scale, say a traffic light going red when I’m late…or a much larger scale), when I focus on imagining the ways in which life could work out for me and then I back it up with the ways in which life has already worked out for me…

Then “miraculous” things start happening. Continue reading Magic, Miracles, and other Wonders

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A moment of self-reflection

I-am-ready-to-open-my

This past weekend I have taken a step back from the position of “expectant mom” and just rested in being who I am right now; reconnecting with me.

One thing that has stood out to me is that I had stepped up my “need to control” a notch after getting ready to be a mom to H & B, mentally, emotionally, and physically (as best as I could) preparing to join with them in family… and that family not working out. Continue reading A moment of self-reflection

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Two becomes…none.

I-learn-from-thisThe adoption of H & B has fallen through.

Fallen through appears to be the accepted term.

What happened…?

Last week I had commented in my reply to an email with the foster mom (we’d been in constant two-day email contact for weeks), that after speaking with H’s therapist I still felt that I was trying to piece together three different jigsaw puzzles of the one child.

“There seems to be something missing because none of the pieces fit to make a whole?” I’d said. Continue reading Two becomes…none.

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Paint the walls Pink!

Waiting for a Proposal…

…Package that is…

A proposal package for what might just be my three children.

That’s right, three.

Get all of the “Gru” jokes out of your system now…  OK, are you done?

  • Yes, I’m single.
  • Yes, I’m a first time mom.
  • And yes – I just might be crazy.

But this opportunity came up, and right after another group of three that I was actually starting to consider. There were a few little things that made me uncomfortable about the other group, though I was still considering it, and I feel like it was the little nudge I needed to “grow” in my heart and mind enough to consider three at all. It was the “prep-work” for this next step.

Because when I’d reached a place where I had internally said “OK Ali, why not three?” that one fell through, and almost immediately this one came up.

Three girls.  Continue reading Paint the walls Pink!

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Surname update

 

As happens with all questions that linger in your mind, the answer seems to come in surprising and delightful ways…

Last week I posted how I felt conflicted about giving my surname to my future children because I no longer have contact with my stepfamily.

At an annual community event I met a little girl who changed my perspective and like a little angel gave me the answer that I had been seeking. Continue reading Surname update

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The Future – Travelling with kids

I love travel.

I love the excitement of seeing something new. I love the actual “travelling” part of travel – the flight, or the car ride, or the motion of a ship when on a cruise.

I love being in motion.

And I love experiencing the incredible beauty in the world with its magnificent colours and the ever changing landscapes.

Sampling foods is another enjoyable part of travel for me – not to the extremes, you won’t catch me eating live grubs or anything – but tasting the flavours of each location even in everyday foods is another part of travel that I enjoy (note: pizza is not the same the world over!). Continue reading The Future – Travelling with kids

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Adoption – Absence of Adults

As grateful as I am for the life I have now, for the person I have been, for the person I have become and am becoming, for the way I’ve always landed on my feet, and the way things always work out for me, for the friends I have who have become family, for the experiences I’ve lived – and the ones I’ve survived – for the courage I’ve shown and the things I’ve taught myself.

As grateful as I am for all of my life – I still feel the absence of that family behind me.

Not my family of friends, I know they are my family forever. They are the people with whom I will share the journey of life for the rest of our lives and I’m so, so grateful. Still, they are my peers; they are my age.

What I miss sometimes, is the presence of “adults” in my life, older people – people who are the age that my parents would be, or the age my grandparents would be. Continue reading Adoption – Absence of Adults

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Adoption – The Missed Period

I had almost given up on having a family and children. Until earlier last year when I missed a period, it was almost 4 weeks overdue before it arrived.

In this time my mind went into overdrive:

  • After two days overdue (they are always on time) I started to daydream about being pregnant, especially when I’d had all the usual signs and symptoms that my period was coming in the week leading up to it,
  • after 4 days I started to allow myself to toy more with the idea,
  • after 7 days I allowed myself to start to believe it was possible,
  • after two weeks I was CERTAIN that we (the man in the story) had created a miracle (he’s been fixed, but a Google search rendered many a happy conception after “fixing”).

At that point I went to get a blood test; I was so certain that it was going to be positive I was buzzing with excitement. The doctor gave me a referral and I had the test done on a Saturday. Then I had to wait until Tuesday to get the results (small town, busy doctors).

Well, you all know the results… Continue reading Adoption – The Missed Period

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