21dp6dt Beta Results

Though my doctor had said I didn’t need to take the final blood test on the Friday after our last appointment, I decided to take it anyway.

The results: 10,817 – doubled in three days!

You see, now that I’d done 15 pee tests, and had three blood tests, all confirming I was pregnant – I started to become scared of losing it.

Every day I monitored how I felt, the symptoms I was having and whether they were ‘strong enough’ or the ‘right ones’ that proved I was “still” pregnant.

Oh boy.

So Friday came and I did the final test. I was feeling pretty good about it when I mentioned to the girl doing the bloods that this was my fourth test and that the other three were positive so I was feeling excited to get these results too.

She replied, “oh, that’s great news. We don’t ask because people come in for these tests either when their pregnant or when they’ve just miscarried.”

Just hearing that terrifying word put a dampener on my day and I started to worry about the results. What if they didn’t multiply enough, what if they decreased instead of increased.

I almost worried myself sick for the next few hours, so I spent some time meditating and then giving myself the usual pep-talks, including “no matter what happens we’ll be okay.”

On Sunday I woke feeling great. Wonderful even. No nausea, no tiredness, no sore boobs, no….

Wait! OH MY GOODNESS… NO SYMPTOMS!

Panic hit me. Pure panic.

I wanted to vomit out of sheer worry–not from nausea–and that made me want to cry.

Pep talks were not helping. So I did what any mother-to-be in this age would do…I Googled.

Thankfully, there were lots of positive accounts of symptoms coming and going and that it was nothing to be concerned about.

This helped for a while, but by the end of the day I’d worked myself up into a frenzy of panic once more.

So I peed on yet another stick, got an almost instant and super dark second line, and finally relaxed.

Monday morning, as if in punishment of my lack of faith, the symptoms returned in full force! Then I wondered why I hadn’t enjoyed a full symptom-free day!!

By Tuesday I was back to normal with the symptoms and my level of faith.

My appointment with my doctor was right after work and he’d asked me to come with a full bladder.

I did.

Once again, when you have a full bladder you should have priority…!!! I did not get priority, there were three people in front of me.

When I did get to see him we did the ultrasound first and again he explained the equipment – which plugs into the regular computer – is not high quality and we may not see anything.

But we did see the gestational sac and the fetal pole (?). He said it was in a great position, and looking really good.

Then he said:

 “Wow, it’s big. They transferred two, right?”
Me: “Um no.”
Him: “Oh.”
Me: “Why? Do you see two?”
Him: “Uh…” pause… “No.” pause… “um, let’s see you every week for the next few weeks until you can get in for the stronger ultrasound.”
Me: “But everything looks good right?”
Him: “Oh yes, it looks very good, you’re in very good shape, it’s in a good position, looks good, growing well. Let’s just see you weekly for a little bit.”

Sure. Okay….

LOL! I’m not concerned. Not really. I’m chuffed that there was something on the screen to see…even if it was just an oblong looking dark spot!

Though this is not the first time someone has suggested more than one. Until someone tells me that for certain I will not worry about it. I’m feeling pretty certain I’m just having one nugget, but if there are two…we’ll just have more Love, that’s all.

He went on to say that we might see a heartbeat next week orfor sure the week after on his scanner – but that I would definitely see it on the real ultrasound when I eventually get an appointment (which might not be until Mid-May the ultrasound people told me last week when I followed up!).

I am pretty blown away that this pregnancy is holding and that the little nugget is growing! And that I’m pregnant! Oh my goodness…

Amazed!

And so very blessed…

Warm smiles and Love,

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Beta Blood Test Results – post FET

Beta Bloods – First Three Results

I’d had my beta blood tests done at, 13dp6dt, 16dp6dt, and 19dp6dt.

On the day following the 19dp test I had an appointment with my doctor.

The first thing he said when he walked through the door into the consulting room was “Congratulations! You’re pregnant!” then he said, “whoops, you did know, right?”

Yes. I told him I’d done 15 pee tests in the past week! I’d become obsessed with testing each day because I was so happy to see two lines I wanted to see those two lines every day.

He laughed and understood, he and his wife had been down this road before and he knew how exciting those positive results were.

Then he pulled up the results to share with me:

Blood test HCG results:

13dp6dt = 486

16dp6dt = 1971

19dp6dt = 5232

He was very happy with the results and said those numbers looked good.

When I got home from the appointment I googled the numbers and found they were good, high even compared to others at the same point in their pregnancies. This made me feel incredibly grateful.

That little blastocyst I saw on the screen was a strong little sucker, and was doing all the things he/she was meant to be doing to become a human. I was really proud of my little nugget, and of my body for doing the right things to support the growth of my nugget.

At this appointment he asked me how I was feeling.

I’d had some symptoms:

  • Tiredness
  • Nausea, all day nausea
  • Constipation for an average of two – three days, followed by a day of diarrhea.
  • Sore boobs.
  • Heavy, warm boobs.
  • And the need to pee CONSTANTLY! As soon as I was done peeing I felt the need to pee again, it was like having a UTI without the searing, burning pain.

So far, I told him, I was controlling the Nausea with food, small amounts of food every few hours and Powerade. The constipation I was hoping to regulate with more vegetables in my meals and a daily dose of prune juice (have you tried this stuff?? Blech! But does the trick!). And the heartburn I took an occasional Tums. There was no cure for the need to pee or the tiredness and I was just living with it.

He wrote me a prescription in support of the nausea, it was a management plan that is safe for pregnancy and involves a pill at the same time every evening, then 1-2 during the day if needed as a boost. They are slow-release pills and keep the nausea at bay all day.

Because I was coping so far, by having a few crackers or apple/pear slices, I decided not to take them at this point.

He also wrote me a requisition for an ultrasound and wrote “URGENT” on it.

I asked about the Urgent part and he said, he wanted to make sure I got an appointment right away.

Unfortunately, it didn’t work and I waited a month for an appointment anyway.

Then he suggested he could try an ultrasound in his office. He told me the equipment he uses is not very strong, and mostly used for much further along in a pregnancy, but we might be able to see something. He reassured me not to panic if we see nothing at this early stage.

So I hopped up on the bed and he tried the ultrasound.

Nope. We couldn’t see anything.

He asked me to come back the following week with a full bladder and we’d try again.

I didn’t care that we didn’t see anything, the beta bloods were strong multipliers and I felt on top of the world that it was confirmed…by my doctor…

I AM definitely PREGNANT!

Warm smiles and Love,

 

 

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Two Week Wait

The Two Week Wait…

Some people find this two week wait excruciating. They start testing at 5 days past (dp) and then stress because they’re not sure if they see a line or don’t see a line, so they post the photos and ask for others to weigh in, and then test again at 6dp, 7dp, 8dp, 9dp…many of them stressing themselves into little balls of hopelessness. A part of me envies their excitement.

I was the opposite. I found the idea of testing terrifying. Continue reading Two Week Wait

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The Seedy Side of Artificial Insemination

Artificial Insemination – The Who.

Well. This is where the whole Artificial Insemination decision gets a little weird and sometimes a little ugly, and the ugly was only on day four of navigating this option.

My first step was to re-watch “The Switch” with Jennifer Anniston and Jason Bateman. Such a beautiful movie, silly, funny, great supporting cast, it makes me laugh, it makes me cry, and there is a beautiful little person created from the Love of two friends.

Hollywood version out of the way, and my resolve sufficiently fluffed, my next step was to start the Google treadmill and see what I could find. Continue reading The Seedy Side of Artificial Insemination

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Artificial Insemination

Artificial insemination (AI) is the deliberate introduction of sperm into a female’s uterus or cervix for the purpose of achieving a pregnancy through in vivo fertilization by means other than sexual intercourse.

Insemination may be called in vivo fertilisation (from in vivo meaning “within the living”) because an egg is fertilized inside the body, and is thus essentially the opposite of in vitro fertilisation.
Excerpted from Wikipedia

I have decided to try to have a baby naturally.

Until this point in my life I have resisted this idea because I had an idealistic view of conception and wanted to only create life with someone I Love. Continue reading Artificial Insemination

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The Sainthood of Adoption

Saint-Virtuous-Person-a

Saint:

“Virtuous Person: a particularly good or holy person, or one who is exceptionally kind and patient in dealing with difficult people or situations.”

Sometimes I find it difficult to talk about adoption in public situations, with acquaintances, or people that I meet at a social gathering.

I feel uncomfortable with the “sainthood” with which they bestow upon me.

Comments like:

  • “Wow, that’s such an amazing thing you are doing.”
  • “It’s so wonderful that you feel able to give homes to children who need it.”
  • “What a great thing you are doing for those kids.”
  • “You are such a good person.”
  • “Those kids will be so lucky to have you.”
  • “You are so brave.”
  • “I could never do what you’re doing.”
  • “They deserve a good home.”

I realise these are all well-intentioned, well-meaning comments. I realise that it’s a different, uncommon topic that comes up and most people just frankly don’t know what to say. I understand where the comments come from… Continue reading The Sainthood of Adoption

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Adoption – The Missed Period

I had almost given up on having a family and children. Until earlier last year when I missed a period, it was almost 4 weeks overdue before it arrived.

In this time my mind went into overdrive:

  • After two days overdue (they are always on time) I started to daydream about being pregnant, especially when I’d had all the usual signs and symptoms that my period was coming in the week leading up to it,
  • after 4 days I started to allow myself to toy more with the idea,
  • after 7 days I allowed myself to start to believe it was possible,
  • after two weeks I was CERTAIN that we (the man in the story) had created a miracle (he’s been fixed, but a Google search rendered many a happy conception after “fixing”).

At that point I went to get a blood test; I was so certain that it was going to be positive I was buzzing with excitement. The doctor gave me a referral and I had the test done on a Saturday. Then I had to wait until Tuesday to get the results (small town, busy doctors).

Well, you all know the results… Continue reading Adoption – The Missed Period

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Adoption – Calling all Moms… I need advice!

When should I start putting my kids’ future first?

Quick note from Ali: Calling all Dads too! I don’t want to discourage those of you who are Dads out there from responding to this call!

As you know, I do not yet have children but am hoping to become a mom through adoption this year.

I am currently in the planning stages for a vacation with two of my best girlfriends in March.

The three of us currently live in three different countries and have not been together in the same space for 11 years!! Though we have been together two at a time over the years, and we have all continued to share our lives via email, Facebook, and Skype. We have been there for all of the ups and downs that life has thrown at us, and will likely be for life. We are family.

I am ecstatic about this “reunion” vacation and getting to hug my friends, laugh with them, see them in person, and drink some wine! It’s our “year-past 40th birthday celebrations” that we meant to have the year of our 40th birthdays last year and missed… due to life.

Here is my dilemma: Continue reading Adoption – Calling all Moms… I need advice!

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Adoption – First Home Study

Expectant Mother – Adoption Journey Series…

On the very same day that I submitted my Questionnaire, I sent a follow up email to ensure Theresa received it.

Subject: Questionnaire complete
Hi Theresa,
I dropped off my questionnaire for you today.
Please let me know if you have any questions, or need any clarification. Sorry about all of the “extra columns” and additional notes/comments…hope that’s OK… I like to play outside of the lines a little!
It feels a little vulnerable to have filled that in and submitted it. Actually I can only imagine what picture forms from reading it…  I don’t feel uncomfortable about any of it myself, but from the outside looking in I realise it can appear “difficult”.
I’ll look forward to hearing from you, and look forward to the “next step” when it is ready to go ahead.
Ali

Theresa responded the same day and I appreciate that about her so much, she never left me hanging.

Thanks Ali…
I have reviewed the questionnaire already;  most people definitely feel as you do;  it’s a very vulnerable state to be in;  someone looking at your past and seeing its role in your present and future.  I have been through the process myself so I fully understand.
Believe me, there was nothing shocking.
So, next step is to start the home study process.
I would suggest meeting at your place some day after work or a day off;  I can be flexible.
Thinking maybe 1-1/5 hours…just as a guideline.
Take care

I was glad that there was nothing shocking in my questionnaire, and that she let me know she’d been through the process herself. That was helpful in allowing me to relax and have faith that she would not judge me because I had a sometimes unstable upbringing.

This was good news. Continue reading Adoption – First Home Study

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Adoption – References

Expectant Mother – Adoption Journey Series…

References.

Point number three on the Adoption Application Form almost stopped me in my tracks.

A minimum of four references are required, including one from each of the following:

  1. an individual who has known the applicant(s) for a minimum of 2 years;
  2. an individual who has had an active association with the applicant(s) over the previous 6 months;
  3. an involved member of the applicant(s) extended family; and
  4. if there are any adult children living outside of the home, at least one of these children. (if there are no adult children, please include another reference from #2)

This was one of the things that made me feel like perhaps I shouldn’t get my hopes up. One of the references had to be a family member.

“an involved member of the applicant(s) extended family;”

Technically, I don’t have any family that I could ask. Continue reading Adoption – References

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