March Booking – Embryo Transfer

Booking for March Transfer

My flights are booked!

Emotions.

I have been approved as an adoptive parent through the Ministry (adoption from foster care) for 3.5 years, and with one failed match and no other matches, I had almost forgotten what it felt like to be “expecting”.

When I was first approved for adoption, I made announcements, I was giddy with excitement, I was full-throttle about courses, and internal work to become “ready”. Then as the months turned into a year and one year turned into more years, it all seemed more like a hazy dream, rather than something imminent.

For the first year or so, the people to whom I’d made announcements used to constantly check in on me, “Any news?”… until they stopped. Continue reading March Booking – Embryo Transfer

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Two year approval anniversary

Two years ago Saturday I was approved as an adoptive parent. My home study was signed off by me and the team leader at the Ministry of Child and Family Development and I was approved.

Two years. It feels like a lifetime ago. Continue reading Two year approval anniversary

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The coil at the end of the rope

When-I-accept-that-there

Last weekend during a three hour yoga workshop I connected with the feeling that I’ve been holding too tightly to outcomes in my life.

And I – again – realised that when I feel as though my life is spinning out of my control, I hang on to whatever idea that feels like a lifeline as though it is indeed a lifeline.

Not only do I hold onto this idea, but I defend it, protect it, and nurture it so vehemently that I often don’t see it is nothing more than a rope, the end of which is sitting at my feet, coiled, not actually attached to any solution. Continue reading The coil at the end of the rope

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My First Tandem Skydive!

This past weekend I completed my first ever Tandem Sky Dive!

I’m not going to lie and say it was the most amazing experience of my life – although it was one of them – because it was also completely terrifying!

There were parts that I loved and didn’t love equally!

Still, I’m pretty proud that I put my feet outside of the plane and allowed my body to be propelled from the vessel into the air with nothing but faith Continue reading My First Tandem Skydive!

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Magic, Miracles, and other Wonders

During the past few weeks, coincidentally (or not), while I was on vacation I reconnected with that feeling that everything in my life is coming together in perfect harmony.

What a relief!

When I relax, when I let go of how my desired outcome should happen, when I start focusing on what I have that makes me feel happy and joyful and grateful, AND, when I stop focusing on what is missing, when I stop feeling like a victim of circumstances out of my control (on both a small scale, say a traffic light going red when I’m late…or a much larger scale), when I focus on imagining the ways in which life could work out for me and then I back it up with the ways in which life has already worked out for me…

Then “miraculous” things start happening. Continue reading Magic, Miracles, and other Wonders

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With an open heart I evolve…

I didn’t post last week because I have been moving through so many emotions that made me feel like I should perhaps take a step back… a self-inflicted form of censorship really. I was scared to process too much online before I was feeling a sense of clarity again.

And now I feel I want to share some of that journey…

I received the proposal package a few weeks ago for the eldest of the three girls that may become my children as mentioned in the post “Paint the walls Pink!“.

H is the only child so far that has been cleared for adoption and so I received the proposal package for her alone.

Some of the information contained within the package was interesting, Continue reading With an open heart I evolve…

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Adoption Community – One Love, One Heart…

I remember when I first started the adoption process and I was crying at the smallest gestures of love, of beauty, of nature. I was so open, so raw, so ready.

Then the process took it’s time and it was not really about “kids and family” anymore it was about therapy, courses, books, interviews, and getting to the “approval” stage.

Of course, that part of the process was a necessary part, a practical part, and I learned so much, not only about myself and the parent I want to become, but about children in care and skills for effective parenting. It has been invaluable.

But now the focus is back to the kids and creating a family and I’m feeling Continue reading Adoption Community – One Love, One Heart…

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Happy Canada Day!

 I am Canadian.

It feels nice to be able to say that and today marks my very first Canada day as a Canadian citizen.

So much has happened in the last 11 years since I first set foot on Canadian soil, I’ve backpacked, lived in hostels, met and travelled with amazing people from all over the world. I have worked at some interesting and crazy jobs far out of the field of expertise with which I arrived.

I’ve been on crazy adventures that make me shake my head and smile as my mind says, “I did that”.

Some of the greatest highs of my life have been here in Canada. Some of the deepest lows too.

Canada is the place where I opened my heart and lived – really lived – courageously, outrageously, and, yes, sometimes selfishly, out loud. Continue reading Happy Canada Day!

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Surname update

 

As happens with all questions that linger in your mind, the answer seems to come in surprising and delightful ways…

Last week I posted how I felt conflicted about giving my surname to my future children because I no longer have contact with my stepfamily.

At an annual community event I met a little girl who changed my perspective and like a little angel gave me the answer that I had been seeking. Continue reading Surname update

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Adoption – Third and final home study

As mentioned in the post last week, the third and final portion of the home study was completed at the coffee shop during our meeting about the therapist weigh-in.

In a coffee shop for me was not ideal, and definitely out of my comfort zone, but I guess parenting will be out of my comfort zone too! So best to get used to answering unusual personal questions in public spaces….right?!

We talked about a lot of things and the toughest question by far was this one:

If you die who will get your kids?  Continue reading Adoption – Third and final home study

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