Adoption – Staying Open

Staying-open-can-beOne of the challenges in this adoption process is staying open to the possibilities and not closing your heart after the first (or second, or third, or fourth) heartbreak.

I struggled with this for a few months after the planned placement with H&B fell through. At first I tried to tell myself I was OK, because the decision was mine to step back and say “this is not a good match for anyone involved” and I felt it was a good decision, the right decision.

What I didn’t expect at that time was that eventually the loss of the dream of the family I imagined we would be would catch up with me, and I would feel grief. Continue reading

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Caged bird

I am currently on vacation from work… woop-woop!

Never have I needed time off as much as I did this time around because I’ve never before worked in a job like the one I have right now.

I feel a bit like a slave to my employer. Overtime has become a part of my everyday existence for at least 3 weeks out of every month, and I don’t like it. Continue reading

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The waiting game

In a post from about a month ago I briefly outlined the twins that I was drawn to at the Be My Parent – matching event.

They were, at the time, 18 months old (likely closer to 20 months now), a boy and a girl whose names start with M, and have an Aboriginal background. In the last post I mentioned that they were looking for a cultural match so I may not be considered, however, I have re-read the profile many times since then and it states only that a cultural match is preferred, which to me means that it is not essential. So this has increased my hope of being the right match for these two.

Though my social worker has sent several emails to the guardianship workers for M & M, we are still waiting to hear if I will be considered as a potential match for them, or if they have another potential match already.

So now we play… the waiting game. Continue reading

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Occupational Therapy

The Occupation of Living

Last week I attended a webinar on Occupational Therapy in Adoption through the Adoptive Families Association of BC (AFABC).

Before attending the webinar I didn’t really know what an Occupational Therapist (OT) did, or that they also worked with children and not just adults.

I had thought that an “Occupational” Therapist only worked with those of us who had a job…or an “occupation”. Continue reading

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My mom

The-desire-to-adopt-inMy Mom (or mum, where I grew up)

So I have been thinking a little about my mom lately, she has popped into my mind a few times in the last couple of weeks and each time I think about writing to her again.

But, what to say?

She hasn’t responded to the last three cards (with enclosed letters) I’ve sent.

In fact, we haven’t spoken since the “India fiasco” of 2013. (Too much of a story to write for you here, but it may appear in the memoir Mother, My.) Though, full-disclosure, I may have received a birthday card that same year from her but I am not certain…it’s been a long time.

The last words I said verbally to her were “you are making me feel so angry right now” followed by a hang up of the phone.

Right now those words send little rivers of silent tears down my cheeks to pool just under my chin. I hope that her sometimes addled mind has forgotten those words and remembers instead kinder words from a different time. Continue reading

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Be My Parent – Matching Event

I-am-so-very-thankful-to

Saturday, I attended my second adoption matching event.

This event was smaller and more intimate than the last one I attended.

In the entry foyer there were refreshments and pastries and a video running on a loop from the Dave Thomas Foundation reminding us all that “unadoptable is unacceptable”.

Inside the main room there were separate stations consisting of poster boards and laptops that ran a slideshow of the children being profiled at that station.

However, there were only 11 stations, with a total of 13 children profiled. Two of the stations profiled a sibling group of two.

I have to admit I was equally disappointed in the number of children profiled and grateful for the opportunity to see even 13 profiles with photos and information. Continue reading

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My evening as a sitter

Last week I babysat for two wonderful kids, a boy aged 7, and a girl aged 4 (nearly 5 – as she told me all night!).

It’s been about 5 years since I babysat kids that age.

I arrived at 5pm and the kids were hiding in the closet…playing of course! I brought pizza with me and that lured them out as it is one of their favourite foods! (good choice!) Continue reading

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Adoptive Parents Support Groups

Although I am not yet an adoptive parent, I knew that as a single mom I would need the support of good people in my community. And even more so as a single mom to a ‘child from hard places’, as Dr Karyn Purvis would say, I would need support from people who understand adoption.

There was no support group in the town where I live, but there were many adoptive and pre-adoptive parents – both in my town and the surrounding areas.

So I created an online Facebook group for adoptive parents in our local area, and it has blossomed into a support group both online and in person.

The first two in-person gatherings last year were small affairs, with only seven adults and three children at the first one, and five adults and three children at the second.

We had the third get-together on Sunday and there were 11 adults and seven children! Continue reading

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Adoption Resource Exchange

Last week I wrote a post in response to the Global News Unfiltered report about the BC Government’s consideration of an “Alberta-style” website being opened up to the general public showcasing children waiting for adoption.

Further to that I have spent time this week trying to gain information about the Adoption Resource Exchange that was mentioned in the interview and was suggested to be an existing site in BC for adoptive parents by invitation only.

Now perhaps it was wishful thinking on my part, as there was no actual mention of this being a “site” just that it was a resource open to approved parents by invitation. However, as the news report was about a website being created for the general public, it stood to reason that the resource mentioned was also a website.

As soon as I heard about this resource open to approved parents by invitation I emailed my social worker to ask her for more information and to get an invitation. Continue reading

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Adoption reform – please give us access!

I-am-so-selfsufficientThis news report by Global News has been shared across Facebook this week.

The report is about how Alberta has a website that is accessible to the general public and profiles the harder to place children in an effort to attract the right families.

This has been a successful website for the last 12 years (!) in Alberta and has resulted in many of the children profiled being placed, or many new applications from potential parents being matched with other children waiting for homes. The report states that Alberta has also been profiling a child each week on TV in their Wednesday’s Child program for the past 32 years!

The BC Ministry for Child and Family Development  (MCFD) is currently considering Continue reading

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