Adoption Transitions…too fast?

Sink or Swim – the world of fast transitions…

As I’m rounding the corner into parenthood through local adoption from foster care, I have asked the question of those who have gone before me if they felt pressured into a swifter transition than they were expecting.

A resounding “YES!” was the reply. Continue reading

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With an open heart I evolve…

I didn’t post last week because I have been moving through so many emotions that made me feel like I should perhaps take a step back… a self-inflicted form of censorship really. I was scared to process too much online before I was feeling a sense of clarity again.

And now I feel I want to share some of that journey…

I received the proposal package a few weeks ago for the eldest of the three girls that may become my children as mentioned in the post “Paint the walls Pink!“.

H is the only child so far that has been cleared for adoption and so I received the proposal package for her alone.

Some of the information contained within the package was interesting, Continue reading

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My Heart is My Guide…

Since being approved as an adoptive parent, my heart has been open – wide open – raw and sensitive to everything around me.

My heart is my guide.

When I was considering the townhouse to purchase, I was still feeling uncertain that it was a positive “kid-friendly” complex even after a second viewing. I was not yet sold. As I stood outside the building with my realtor who asked me whether I wanted to put in an offer, and I was telling her I wasn’t certain and inside I was thinking “I need a sign, it’s too much; I’m so confused.”

At that exact moment, seven kids went burling past on their bikes… the littlest one at the back of the pack yelled out “H! Wait!” calling out the name of my potential future daughter!

A bubble of laughter rose within me and I said, Continue reading

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Adoption Community – One Love, One Heart…

I remember when I first started the adoption process and I was crying at the smallest gestures of love, of beauty, of nature. I was so open, so raw, so ready.

Then the process took it’s time and it was not really about “kids and family” anymore it was about therapy, courses, books, interviews, and getting to the “approval” stage.

Of course, that part of the process was a necessary part, a practical part, and I learned so much, not only about myself and the parent I want to become, but about children in care and skills for effective parenting. It has been invaluable.

But now the focus is back to the kids and creating a family and I’m feeling Continue reading

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Paint the walls Pink!

Waiting for a Proposal…

…Package that is…

A proposal package for what might just be my three children.

That’s right, three.

Get all of the “Gru” jokes out of your system now…  OK, are you done?

  • Yes, I’m single.
  • Yes, I’m a first time mom.
  • And yes – I just might be crazy.

But this opportunity came up, and right after another group of three that I was actually starting to consider. There were a few little things that made me uncomfortable about the other group, though I was still considering it, and I feel like it was the little nudge I needed to “grow” in my heart and mind enough to consider three at all. It was the “prep-work” for this next step.

Because when I’d reached a place where I had internally said “OK Ali, why not three?” that one fell through, and almost immediately this one came up.

Three girls.  Continue reading

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Home Study – Approved!

One week ago today, my home study was signed off and I was officially approved as an adoptive parent!

I am APPROVED!!!

I want to thank my wonderful social worker for all of her encouragement, support, guidance, advice, acceptance, and the words of hope and wisdom she constantly shared with me. I feel so grateful that she is the one who is walking with me as we have journeyed from the first meeting to approval, and who will continue to walk with me as we move toward matching and placement.

Thank you for helping me to become approved to become a mommy!

What a year this has been!

When I went in to sign the papers, my social worker already had four sibling group profiles for me to consider (each one consisting of two children).

I ruled out one group right away based on the information she had, and we put my name forward for the other three.

None of these groups may work out, but it is exciting (and a little overwhelming) to imagine that I might soon be a mom to two or more children!

And so the matching process begins…! Continue reading

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Home Study – first draft

Becoming a parent through adoption is not for the faint of heart.

There are so many times that this process will test your desire to become a parent through this channel. The process will push you and pull you and prod you and challenge you – and if you’re still standing at the end, then maybe you have the gumption it will take to become a parent to children who have been through a lifetime of experiences already.

I’ve often wondered if the entire process is set up for this reason, to weed out the weak-willed, the uncertain, the light-weights, so that only the sturdy, certain, committed remain.

These kids will need the kinds of parents with staying power and perhaps that is the point…

Home Study – the first draft…

Reading through your life history as written by someone else is bizarre. Continue reading

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Finding A Family – A Hallmark Movie

I wrote the review below of this foster care movie back in March of this year. And in the past couple of weeks, I watched the movie again.

What is wonderful for me, watching it a second time around, was that this time I felt less “like the boy” and felt more compassion for the whole situation. I was no longer angry at the mother for being unable to care for him, or at the boy for continuing to love her.

It was still a sad movie, and I still cried for the boy, for the situation, and for myself – but there was less anger at the people involved and more compassion this time around.

This is great news as it is likely that I will have contact with members of my child’s birth family, and I had wondered how I would fare with the things I would learn and the emotions I would feel. From a ‘distant’ perspective of right now in this time and place I feel that I will have compassion, Continue reading

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AEP Greater Understanding…New Questions

As I round the corner into the final leg of this 12 week course, I feel that I have a greater knowledge base on adoption, on what to expect, on the issues that the children may have faced, on the emotions that they will be having regardless of how smooth or positive their experience beforehand, and of the adoption process…

However, in some ways I find myself with even more questions and even less certainty.

Let me rephrase that.

I am certain I want to adopt, perhaps even more certain now at the end of the course than I was in the beginning.

What I am less certain about, Continue reading

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Happy Canada Day!

 I am Canadian.

It feels nice to be able to say that and today marks my very first Canada day as a Canadian citizen.

So much has happened in the last 11 years since I first set foot on Canadian soil, I’ve backpacked, lived in hostels, met and travelled with amazing people from all over the world. I have worked at some interesting and crazy jobs far out of the field of expertise with which I arrived.

I’ve been on crazy adventures that make me shake my head and smile as my mind says, “I did that”.

Some of the greatest highs of my life have been here in Canada. Some of the deepest lows too.

Canada is the place where I opened my heart and lived – really lived – courageously, outrageously, and, yes, sometimes selfishly, out loud. Continue reading

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