The feel of a newborn

new babyLast week my friend and co-worker gave birth to a precious little baby girl :)

Little K.E. joined her family on May fourth and became little sister to two year old A.J. Both parents are ecstatic to have two healthy, happy, little girls in their family. And I am overjoyed for them.

While I have only known my friend for a little over a year, we seemed to be kindred spirits and hit it off from that very first meeting. She feels like family, and that makes her family also feel like family.

I was privileged to be a part of this pregnancy pretty much from the day after they decided to start trying for their second child. I was also privy to the news of the pregnancy as soon as they found out and I had to keep the secret right along with them, until it was time to share it.

I got to watch her grow and change and go through the motions (like sickness) and emotions (like tears), and the whole experience has been an incredible honour for me in ways I’m not certain I have the vocabulary to share.

Especially as someone who may never get to experience the gift of creating life within my own body. Continue reading

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Alone in the end

Last night I watched a movie where the father (who was also a grandfather), died. It wasn’t the focal point of the movie, but it was a significant part of the story.

It made me think about my own parents, and cry buckets of tears.

The man in the movie had his family rallying around him in the end, even his son who hadn’t seen him for many, many years showed up for his last dying moments.

I was not there for, or even aware of, my dad’s passing, and I likely won’t know of my mom’s either until after it happens. Continue reading

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Magic, Miracles, and other Wonders

During the past few weeks, coincidentally (or not), while I was on vacation I reconnected with that feeling that everything in my life is coming together in perfect harmony.

What a relief!

When I relax, when I let go of how my desired outcome should happen, when I start focusing on what I have that makes me feel happy and joyful and grateful, AND, when I stop focusing on what is missing, when I stop feeling like a victim of circumstances out of my control (on both a small scale, say a traffic light going red when I’m late…or a much larger scale), when I focus on imagining the ways in which life could work out for me and then I back it up with the ways in which life has already worked out for me…

Then “miraculous” things start happening. Continue reading

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Adoption – Staying Open

Staying-open-can-beOne of the challenges in this adoption process is staying open to the possibilities and not closing your heart after the first (or second, or third, or fourth) heartbreak.

I struggled with this for a few months after the planned placement with H&B fell through. At first I tried to tell myself I was OK, because the decision was mine to step back and say “this is not a good match for anyone involved” and I felt it was a good decision, the right decision.

What I didn’t expect at that time was that eventually the loss of the dream of the family I imagined we would be would catch up with me, and I would feel grief. Continue reading

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Caged bird

I am currently on vacation from work… woop-woop!

Never have I needed time off as much as I did this time around because I’ve never before worked in a job like the one I have right now.

I feel a bit like a slave to my employer. Overtime has become a part of my everyday existence for at least 3 weeks out of every month, and I don’t like it. Continue reading

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The waiting game

In a post from about a month ago I briefly outlined the twins that I was drawn to at the Be My Parent – matching event.

They were, at the time, 18 months old (likely closer to 20 months now), a boy and a girl whose names start with M, and have an Aboriginal background. In the last post I mentioned that they were looking for a cultural match so I may not be considered, however, I have re-read the profile many times since then and it states only that a cultural match is preferred, which to me means that it is not essential. So this has increased my hope of being the right match for these two.

Though my social worker has sent several emails to the guardianship workers for M & M, we are still waiting to hear if I will be considered as a potential match for them, or if they have another potential match already.

So now we play… the waiting game. Continue reading

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Occupational Therapy

The Occupation of Living

Last week I attended a webinar on Occupational Therapy in Adoption through the Adoptive Families Association of BC (AFABC).

Before attending the webinar I didn’t really know what an Occupational Therapist (OT) did, or that they also worked with children and not just adults.

I had thought that an “Occupational” Therapist only worked with those of us who had a job…or an “occupation”. Continue reading

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My mom

The-desire-to-adopt-inMy Mom (or mum, where I grew up)

So I have been thinking a little about my mom lately, she has popped into my mind a few times in the last couple of weeks and each time I think about writing to her again.

But, what to say?

She hasn’t responded to the last three cards (with enclosed letters) I’ve sent.

In fact, we haven’t spoken since the “India fiasco” of 2013. (Too much of a story to write for you here, but it may appear in the memoir Mother, My.) Though, full-disclosure, I may have received a birthday card that same year from her but I am not certain…it’s been a long time.

The last words I said verbally to her were “you are making me feel so angry right now” followed by a hang up of the phone.

Right now those words send little rivers of silent tears down my cheeks to pool just under my chin. I hope that her sometimes addled mind has forgotten those words and remembers instead kinder words from a different time. Continue reading

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Be My Parent – Matching Event

I-am-so-very-thankful-to

Saturday, I attended my second adoption matching event.

This event was smaller and more intimate than the last one I attended.

In the entry foyer there were refreshments and pastries and a video running on a loop from the Dave Thomas Foundation reminding us all that “unadoptable is unacceptable”.

Inside the main room there were separate stations consisting of poster boards and laptops that ran a slideshow of the children being profiled at that station.

However, there were only 11 stations, with a total of 13 children profiled. Two of the stations profiled a sibling group of two.

I have to admit I was equally disappointed in the number of children profiled and grateful for the opportunity to see even 13 profiles with photos and information. Continue reading

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My evening as a sitter

Last week I babysat for two wonderful kids, a boy aged 7, and a girl aged 4 (nearly 5 – as she told me all night!).

It’s been about 5 years since I babysat kids that age.

I arrived at 5pm and the kids were hiding in the closet…playing of course! I brought pizza with me and that lured them out as it is one of their favourite foods! (good choice!) Continue reading

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