The face before she laughs

A few weeks ago I sent a belated birthday card and letter update to my mom.

I couldn’t find the address to where she is currently living so I Googled it.

Clicking through the website for the retirement home to find the mailing address brought me to a page where my mom’s face is a part of the banner at the top of the screen.

I stopped and stared.

I know that face. Continue reading The face before she laughs

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Mom Triggers

Even with adoption no longer feeling imminent, every part of my life I try to translate into a lesson I can learn to either understand my potential future adopted children, or I can use to help them through their own tough times. (and maybe even help me become a good mom!)

Last week was my birthday.

And what would a birthday be without a mom trigger? Continue reading Mom Triggers

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Alone in the end

Last night I watched a movie where the father (who was also a grandfather), died. It wasn’t the focal point of the movie, but it was a significant part of the story.

It made me think about my own parents, and cry buckets of tears.

The man in the movie had his family rallying around him in the end, even his son who hadn’t seen him for many, many years showed up for his last dying moments.

I was not there for, or even aware of, my dad’s passing, and I likely won’t know of my mom’s either until after it happens. Continue reading Alone in the end

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My mom

The-desire-to-adopt-inMy Mom (or mum, where I grew up)

So I have been thinking a little about my mom lately, she has popped into my mind a few times in the last couple of weeks and each time I think about writing to her again.

But, what to say?

She hasn’t responded to the last three cards (with enclosed letters) I’ve sent.

In fact, we haven’t spoken since the “India fiasco” of 2013. (Too much of a story to write for you here, but it may appear in the memoir Mother, My.) Though, full-disclosure, I may have received a birthday card that same year from her but I am not certain…it’s been a long time.

The last words I said verbally to her were “you are making me feel so angry right now” followed by a hang up of the phone.

Right now those words send little rivers of silent tears down my cheeks to pool just under my chin. I hope that her sometimes addled mind has forgotten those words and remembers instead kinder words from a different time. Continue reading My mom

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Adoption – Second Home Study

Expectant Mother – Adoption Journey Series…

The Second Home Study

Full-disclosure. Rape, Alcohol, Pot, Sexual History, Relationships…

The second home study came a few weeks after the first, and I felt a little less nerve-wracked than the first time… but only a little.

These meetings are important, I understand that and I feel grateful that they are a part of the process. There is a lot of food for thought in these meetings.

After the last one, I was also feeling excited about getting to discuss what to expect from the adoption process, to discuss things with Theresa like – how the matching process works, how the first meeting works, how we get to a first meeting with children, what happens after that, who else is involved in the matching process, and more practical things like – where to move, which schools were good ones, what kind of things I will need to have in place, and is there anything else I should know?

Since the beginning there has been a lot of information about the potential problems that the children may have emotionally or physically, and the ‘need for a good support structure’, but the practical stuff has not really been covered.

Perhaps these are the things I need to work out on my own? Perhaps all future parents wonder about these things and seek advice?

So I was looking forward to this meeting.

However, this home study was not as pleasant as the first home study. Continue reading Adoption – Second Home Study

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Happy Week After Halloween

Happy Halloween!!!

Hope you all had an OOky, spOOky night last week for Halloween!

Halloween is one of the many “holidays” that I look forward to spending with my children. (“” for is it really a holiday when we all have to work?)

Like Thanksgiving, Halloween as an “occasion” (perhaps, rather than a holiday!) is one that is relatively new to me as a former Australian.

The only thing we knew of Halloween when I was growing up was the scary movies with Jamie Lee Curtis (still angry at my friend’s mom for letting us watch the first two of these along with a delightful movie called “worm eater” on her 10th birthday… I had nightmares well into my 20’s). It was not something we celebrated and I never got to go door to door dressed in colourful costumes with a bag in hand and exclaim “Trick or Treat!?!”.

My very first Halloween experience was in Toronto in 2003, my first year in Canada, and it was WILD!

Halloween was not just for children I discovered…

Continue reading Happy Week After Halloween

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Adoption – References

Expectant Mother – Adoption Journey Series…

References.

Point number three on the Adoption Application Form almost stopped me in my tracks.

A minimum of four references are required, including one from each of the following:

  1. an individual who has known the applicant(s) for a minimum of 2 years;
  2. an individual who has had an active association with the applicant(s) over the previous 6 months;
  3. an involved member of the applicant(s) extended family; and
  4. if there are any adult children living outside of the home, at least one of these children. (if there are no adult children, please include another reference from #2)

This was one of the things that made me feel like perhaps I shouldn’t get my hopes up. One of the references had to be a family member.

“an involved member of the applicant(s) extended family;”

Technically, I don’t have any family that I could ask. Continue reading Adoption – References

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