Though my doctor had said I didn’t need to take the final blood test on the Friday after our last appointment, I decided to take it anyway.

The results: 10,817 – doubled in three days!

You see, now that I’d done 15 pee tests, and had three blood tests, all confirming I was pregnant – I started to become scared of losing it.

Every day I monitored how I felt, the symptoms I was having and whether they were ‘strong enough’ or the ‘right ones’ that proved I was “still” pregnant.

Oh boy.

So Friday came and I did the final test. I was feeling pretty good about it when I mentioned to the girl doing the bloods that this was my fourth test and that the other three were positive so I was feeling excited to get these results too.

She replied, “oh, that’s great news. We don’t ask because people come in for these tests either when their pregnant or when they’ve just miscarried.”

Just hearing that terrifying word put a dampener on my day and I started to worry about the results. What if they didn’t multiply enough, what if they decreased instead of increased.

I almost worried myself sick for the next few hours, so I spent some time meditating and then giving myself the usual pep-talks, including “no matter what happens we’ll be okay.”

On Sunday I woke feeling great. Wonderful even. No nausea, no tiredness, no sore boobs, no….

Wait! OH MY GOODNESS… NO SYMPTOMS!

Panic hit me. Pure panic.

I wanted to vomit out of sheer worry–not from nausea–and that made me want to cry.

Pep talks were not helping. So I did what any mother-to-be in this age would do…I Googled.

Thankfully, there were lots of positive accounts of symptoms coming and going and that it was nothing to be concerned about.

This helped for a while, but by the end of the day I’d worked myself up into a frenzy of panic once more.

So I peed on yet another stick, got an almost instant and super dark second line, and finally relaxed.

Monday morning, as if in punishment of my lack of faith, the symptoms returned in full force! Then I wondered why I hadn’t enjoyed a full symptom-free day!!

By Tuesday I was back to normal with the symptoms and my level of faith.

My appointment with my doctor was right after work and he’d asked me to come with a full bladder.

I did.

Once again, when you have a full bladder you should have priority…!!! I did not get priority, there were three people in front of me.

When I did get to see him we did the ultrasound first and again he explained the equipment – which plugs into the regular computer – is not high quality and we may not see anything.

But we did see the gestational sac and the fetal pole (?). He said it was in a great position, and looking really good.

Then he said:

 “Wow, it’s big. They transferred two, right?”
Me: “Um no.”
Him: “Oh.”
Me: “Why? Do you see two?”
Him: “Uh…” pause… “No.” pause… “um, let’s see you every week for the next few weeks until you can get in for the stronger ultrasound.”
Me: “But everything looks good right?”
Him: “Oh yes, it looks very good, you’re in very good shape, it’s in a good position, looks good, growing well. Let’s just see you weekly for a little bit.”

Sure. Okay….

LOL! I’m not concerned. Not really. I’m chuffed that there was something on the screen to see…even if it was just an oblong looking dark spot!

Though this is not the first time someone has suggested more than one. Until someone tells me that for certain I will not worry about it. I’m feeling pretty certain I’m just having one nugget, but if there are two…we’ll just have more Love, that’s all.

He went on to say that we might see a heartbeat next week orfor sure the week after on his scanner – but that I would definitely see it on the real ultrasound when I eventually get an appointment (which might not be until Mid-May the ultrasound people told me last week when I followed up!).

I am pretty blown away that this pregnancy is holding and that the little nugget is growing! And that I’m pregnant! Oh my goodness…

Amazed!

And so very blessed…

Warm smiles and Love,