Although I am not yet an adoptive parent, I knew that as a single mom I would need the support of good people in my community. And even more so as a single mom to a ‘child from hard places’, as Dr Karyn Purvis would say, I would need support from people who understand adoption.

There was no support group in the town where I live, but there were many adoptive and pre-adoptive parents – both in my town and the surrounding areas.

So I created an online Facebook group for adoptive parents in our local area, and it has blossomed into a support group both online and in person.

The first two in-person gatherings last year were small affairs, with only seven adults and three children at the first one, and five adults and three children at the second.

We had the third get-together on Sunday and there were 11 adults and seven children! Plus, there were almost as many families who sent apologies and could not attend this week, but who would like to be involved next time.

The group has grown for sure, and the desire to connect within the group has also grown.

There are many reasons that an organized group is a great thing, including the following reasons that I have been thinking about and feeling thankful about over the past few days since our get-together…:

• Diversity.

Each of the adults in the group comes from a different background and even different countries. As a group we make up many ethnicities and walks of life.

There are adults who were adopted as children and have now adopted children, we have adults who have children by birth and are adding to their families through adoption, we have parents who have adopted teens, infants, and every age in between.

As such, all of these incredible people have varied ideas on child-raising, and provide a huge reserve of experiences from which to draw.

Which brings me to…

• Knowledge.

The wealth of knowledge from the assorted experiences of our group is phenomenal. I have learned so much already from the online Facebook group, and the conversations in person.

No question is too silly or out of bounds when asked, and no question goes unanswered.

The range of answers is always interesting too – never just one-size-fits-all answers, but a variety from which to choose.

• Friendship.

As a single parent it is important to me that I am able to reach out to others, to process some of the things I’m going through with other like-minded people when I need to do that, and to be open to others reaching out to process their own experiences with me too, so that we can learn from each other.

This is something I am very grateful for and have had several tea dates with individual mommas (both pre-adoption mommas and post-adoption mommas).

I treasure these moments, and am so grateful for the friendships that are blossoming for me and for others because of this group.

• Support.

I realise support is really what all of these points are about. But the physical feeling of support that comes from the get-togethers and from knowing there is someone on the other end of the “line” (or post as it were) is incredible.

I feel so grateful for the people in the group for being so open and receptive, and for the families that so far have hosted the gatherings. (Soon we may have to move to rented/borrowed spaces to have these get togethers, and I look forward to those days too.)

I also feel fortunate to be a part of the online community(ies), where support is literally a click away.

• Friendships for the children.

This is important to note too.

So far all of our gatherings have involved the kids, and while that sometimes curbs the conversation about adoption in the sense of asking the more prying questions like “how have the first few weeks/months been?” or “what have you found was the toughest part of establishing your children into your home?” or “how was the transition…really?” and getting any in depth answers, it’s been great to see the kids all getting along and playing together regardless of where they are from.

We could learn so much from the way children interact. Within minutes they are friends, running around, playing, trusting, and living in the moment. It’s so beautiful to behold and always makes me wish for those days again – or at least to actively inject more of that kind of open accepting freedom into my adult life.

I’ve heard too that it’s comforting for adopted kids to be around other adopted kids, although I wonder how much of that is that it’s comforting for the parents to be around other adoptive parents? Either way, I’m very grateful to be a part of a group and to know that my kids will also be a part of this group.

It is, in a word, comforting.

• Experience.

One of the things that makes my profile not as appealing, I’m told, is the lack of experience with kids who have been adopted because of the unique range of challenges adoptive parents face.

Through this group I am starting to gain some experiences with the kids by providing babysitting/respite services for one of the adoptive families of the group. (I have my first sitting gig this week!)

If you are considering adoption, I highly recommend either joining an existing group or if there is not one in your area, creating one.

There are some wonderful online groups too, I’m a member of several adoption support groups run by the AFABC for single parents, for waiting parents, for parents of kids with (insert diagnosis), for parents of tweens and teens, and all of them are so chock-full of wonderfully diverse people providing a never ending wealth of knowledge, support, and information.

Perhaps the thing that I love most about these groups is that we are all bound together by a desire to love and accept children into our homes, lives, and families. That we are all bound together by a single desire to become parents to children through adoption.

All of the people I have met through these adoption support groups and networks have this underlying current of openness, courage, tenacity, and a willingness to put themselves out there with their hearts on their sleeve.

They remind me that we are all learning as we go, and that the only thing that matters is that we want to be parents, and we’re all willing to do what it takes to become so.

I feel very grateful to be a part of the adoption community, and I feel grateful that there is an adoption community… especially one within my own home town.

Thank you to all of the amazing, beautiful, loving people I have met so far along this adoption journey, thank you for sharing your stories, and for sharing your love and support so openly with me.  Thank you for allowing me to become a part of your lives.

Warm smiles and Love,

Ali Jayne 🙂
xxx