I remember when I first started the adoption process and I was crying at the smallest gestures of love, of beauty, of nature. I was so open, so raw, so ready.

Then the process took it’s time and it was not really about “kids and family” anymore it was about therapy, courses, books, interviews, and getting to the “approval” stage.

Of course, that part of the process was a necessary part, a practical part, and I learned so much, not only about myself and the parent I want to become, but about children in care and skills for effective parenting. It has been invaluable.

But now the focus is back to the kids and creating a family and I’m feeling that same raw, open-hearted, vulnerability.

I see families walking down the street, I cry. I watch a TV show with families, I cry. Someone is kind to me, I cry!

My eyes are open to families everywhere, to the tender moments between parent and child, to the absolute beauty and majesty of life around me, and I often find myself tearing up for the simple joy of living, and for the future unfolding.

Some truly beautiful moments have happened for me recently, and I’ve connected with some wonderful people.

Last week I went to one of our local hardware stores to get a quote on bathrooms and was told to come back the next day and talk to a specific store clerk. When I went back and saw her, she asked if it was just going to be me in the house and I replied, “no, I’m adopting” …well, she almost ate me up…!

She launched toward me and hugged me while telling me she loved me (no boundaries!) then she let me go and laughed and clapped – it’s one of the more unusual responses I’ve received! And while I initially felt out of my comfort zone unnerved even, I also felt the childlike joy she was exuding.

Then she told me she is a foster mom in my town and she and her husband currently have five foster kids at home, and two off at college, plus three grown kids (in their 20’s/30’s).

We talked about foster/adoption for a good hour! She made me cry twice with the lovely stories she told about her kids. She also told me that her eldest son and daughter (at home) both do babysitting and could do after school care for me. They go to the middle school attached to the Elementary school I want to send my kids to, so they could even walk my kids home and wait for me there all for… $20 per day! Amazing!

She offered to get “stuff” together for me from all the moms she is connected to, like books, toys, clothing, etc… maybe even bedroom furniture.

And then she gave me her cell number and said – “Please keep this number, you can call me night or day, when your kids are placed and the honeymoon period has ended, and you are at your wits end and don’t know if you’re doing OK or not…, just call me I’ve been through it all, I will be there for you, I will help.”

Those were her parting words to me.

I left the store clutching her number, got in my car, and….burst into tears! Even typing it just now, made me choke up.

So kind. So loving. So open.

It was one of those moments where it felt like everything was coming together – right place, right time.

My heart is filled with so much love and gratitude.

I also sent out an “inter-office” blast to my coworkers and some of our regular clients to let people know about the approval for adoption. I had not at this point really let anyone know that I’d applied, so for many this was the first they’d heard of it. Here is my email:

Hi Everyone,

Because this information will likely start eeking out as I talk to different people… I figured I would send out a blast and cover everyone at once…

After a full year of forms, courses, interviews, and other assorted hoops to jump through, I have been approved as an adoptive parent. 🙂

So now the matching process will begin!

Here are a few answers to the questions I hear most often…

• Where are you adopting from?
  BC foster care system.
• Are you getting a baby?
  No, I have set my preferred age range from 3 – 14 years old.
• How many children?
  I am hoping for a sibling group of two or more.
• Aren’t you single? (Usually said with a horrified expression!!)
  Yes I am… I will be adopting as a single person.
• Why Adoption?
  I grew up with two step-siblings who were adopted, so it’s always been in the back of my mind as an option. And, after consideration of all of the possibilities, adoption feels like the right avenue for me at this point in my life. 🙂
• How long will the process take?
  The timeline is completely unknown. Anywhere from 6 weeks (a very fast proposal/placement) to many years.
• Do you have everything you need?
  No…actually, I don’t have anything yet…with unknown ages, it’s difficult to plan.
  I will need everything (bedroom furniture, bedding, clothing, toys, etc).
  I will also be setting up a “crowd-sourcing” donation page as soon as a match is made and I know ages & number of children…so if you are interested in providing a small (or large) donation I will provide you the link. Any money received will go toward the “everything” listed above and also toward the travel to meet the children when a match is made.
• You will have to move!
  Yes, this is something I’m considering right now, so if you hear of a rental of 3 or more bedrooms (or for sale) please let me know.
• Wow, you are brave!
  Thanks…but really I’m just feeling ready to start a family and become a mom.
• Was it hard to be approved? I wish I could adopt… (I get this a lot)
  For more information see: https://www.mcf.gov.bc.ca/adoption/adopt.htm

Warm regards,  Ali

I felt it was a good idea to cover some of the questions I get most often. Though there are many others too (which may even become a future post!).

A couple of people surprised me with emailed responses letting me know that they too had adopted. We started conversations that may never have happened otherwise, and they offered support for the future when my children arrive and asked me to keep them updated.

The kindness and care of strangers, acquaintances, and friends alike – kills me.

The adoption community, I am finding, is like a culture all of its own. The underlying philosophy is one of openness, of open-heartedness, of encouragement, of support, of understanding, of Love.

It reminds me of the days when I was involved in stage plays as an actress (small-time theatre), but that sense of community, that sense of immediate belonging, that sense of family, that is what I also feel from the adoption community.

Whenever it happens, whenever I meet another person who has adopted or fostered children, and that feeling of welcome acceptance happens, the Bob Marley lyrics play in my mind… One Love, One Heart. That seems to be the undercurrent to all of the adoptive/foster families that I’ve encountered.

From someone who does not have a traditional family of support myself, I feel so incredibly grateful that this is the path I’ve chosen to become a mom. Already my life has been enriched.

My children, my beautiful children who I am yet to meet, and the method in which our family is being created has filled my heart with a sense of openness, and allowed me (and my future children) to be enveloped by a community of loving, uplifting, supportive, individuals who make up a culture all of their own.

I feel so blessed to be walking this path to create my family.

I feel humbled by the gift of love and support that is so openly and instantly shared.

I feel so honoured to be given the opportunity to become a mom through this avenue, and so appreciative that I get to become a part of this interconnected adoption family.

Thank you to those of you I have met so far, for your warmth, your kindness, your understanding, your support, your love. And thank you to all of you who I am yet to meet. I offer you all my own courage, wisdom, support, gratitude, and Love…

 

Have you had this experience within the adoption community? Please share your stories with me…

Note: I am still waiting for the proposal package, but it should be here within a day or two!

Warm smiles and Love,

Ali Jayne 🙂