Expectant Mother – Adoption Journey Series…
Discovery Kids Castle – A safe haven
Let me start this post by saying, this year did not feel like Christmas to me. (sorry for the negative start!)
Now there may have been something in the water because many people in my town voiced this same sentiment without any prompt or comment from me first.
Several things come to mind about why this might be.
- We had no snow this year, only rain, which made it seem more like fall or spring than winter (still does).
- I missed the Christmas Parade this year because I was away, and the parade is always a good start to Christmas.
- I had a cold – and so did almost everyone in my town! A cold is never a fun way to spend the holidays.
As an expectant mother now, knowing that I’m months away from approval as an adoptive parent, knowing that “this time” next year I could be a mom, made this Christmas seem like a bit of a letdown.
Sure, I’ve been on my own for a few years now so being alone at Christmas was not the issue, I actually adore time on my own and Christmas is one of my favourite times of the year. I love all the glitz and sparkles and lights and trimmings. I always still put up a tree, wrap gifts for friends underneath the tree, watch terrible Christmas movies, sing Christmas songs (love Christmas music!), make a small turkey dinner with all the extras, eat Christmas cake and too many chocolates while sipping hot eggnog and rum. I adore Christmas.
And I still did all of that this year too but felt a little “ho-hum” about it.
One thing I did do that surprised me and made me feel a little excited for what is to come, was I bought my future kids a Christmas gift…
When I saw it I felt like it would be a great gift to give my kids as something for them to do within the first few days of coming to live with me – no matter what time of year. I know that in those first few days it will be strange and scary for them being in another new home – especially one they are being told is forever – and everything around them will be foreign and unusual, and “not really theirs” at first.
I felt that giving them something that is new out of a box, that we can assemble together, and they can color themselves to make it their own “house”, and perhaps even find a little safe haven in the 6′ tall structure, might give them a little security inside of their new home, and with their new mom.
Plus, who doesn’t love to colour!? This castle is pretty cool, it has two doors, two double windows, and horses! I mean… I want to colour it and play inside too! (ever the eternal child :))
There are other things I would like to give them to commemorate our new family, and this will not by any stretch be the only thing I give them. I just felt it might bring that sense of somewhere to hide when they are feeling overwhelmed with their new surroundings and with me.
I want to give them anything I can that will make them feel secure from the get-go, or as secure as they can possibly feel.
A cardboard castle might fall a little short, but the desire behind the purchase was genuine, I want to give them the opportunity to create a little sanctuary for themselves within their new home.
Purchasing the gift and seeing it by my tree (the box was bigger than my current tree!) made me feel excited about what the future might hold.
It also made me wonder again – as I did at Halloween – what were they experiencing this year? Who was putting out cookies and carrots for Santa and the Reindeer. Did someone take bites out of the cookies and carrots and leave the half empty glass of milk on the table to show that Santa had been? Who wrapped their gifts under the tree? Did they have a tree? Did someone tuck them in on Christmas Eve and kiss them goodnight with a promise of a beautiful Christmas day to come? Did someone read Christmas stories to them, and watch Christmas movies with them? Did they sing Christmas carols and perform in a Christmas concert at school? Who did they give their Christmas crafts to? Did they get a gift that they still love to play with, or that makes them feel happy? Did they eat until they were bursting and sleepy? Do they feel the spirit of Christmas and the wonder of Christmas enchantment? Do they even still believe in Santa or has someone in their lives put a stop to the magic of Christmas for them already?
There are so many unknowns.
My wish for them this year was to feel happy, to feel warm and safe, to feel loved, and to feel excited about Santa visiting them at Christmas. And if they made a Christmas wish, I hope they wished for a mom who loves them and who will be their family for the rest of their lives….as I wished for them too.
Whoever my future children are, I hope they had a beautiful Christmas with a foster family that loves them and makes them feel welcome and special. I also hope that if they have contact with their birth families that they had a positive and loving experience with them for Christmas too.
Maybe if Christmas wishes do come true, next year we will be celebrating our first Christmas as a family together, and I will get to tuck them in, kiss them goodnight, and create the most magical holiday that I can imagine for them.
As for their first Christmas gift – I hope that I can give them what I imagined the castle symbolized when I purchased it, a personal safe haven.
Warm smiles and Love,
Ali Jayne 🙂