Expectant Mother – Adoption Journey Series…

There are those moments in your life where things just happen in a way that is ‘not of this world’ in their perfection, those moments where you can clearly see the handiwork of a force bigger than “self”. They feel tangibly like the handiwork of Universal Forces.

It was a Tuesday like any other Tuesday. I got up, showered, dressed, made breakfast, and while going through the motions my mind filled with random thoughts…what I needed to do today, recapping what had happened yesterday, conversationally checking in with how I felt today, random thoughts (and internal dialogue) of things I still want to achieve: publication, online writing success, children, family, husband, lottery win, year round vacations, etc.

I remember lingering on the family and children thought as I considered *again* that perhaps the best way to have that family that I finally – after all these years – desired, was going to be through adoption.

“I want to adopt.” the thought resonated in my mind.

I thought once more of Jennifer and the information she had given me about 10 months earlier during the summer festival that we both volunteered for (see Adoption – First Whisper), and of the brief conversation we’d had at curling nearly 5 months later. She’d said to me then, (in January – it was now June), to get the forms in now if I wanted to adopt in the next two years.

With that thought in my mind, I put it on my “list of things to do” today. If I had time, I would look up the adoption process, again, and see if I felt more comfortable with it.

After moving to Canada and going through months and years of paperwork with the Canadian Government first to gain a working visa, and then to gain permanent residence, and then the citizenship paperwork (still in process), and all of the waiting and anxiety that comes with those processes… the thought of starting another process didn’t feel so appealing, in fact, I had a huge block with it.

Especially, the medical check part. The last time that was a whole day trip, to one doctor for blood, then another doctor for something else, then going back to the first doctor – running all over Vancouver. It was exhausting and nerve wracking, I was so worried that they would find something that would render me unsuitable for residency – even though I have perfect health. The thought of going through it all again… So. Not. Appealing!

Back to the story… So, I went to work and forgot about my thoughts that morning, and got about my day. It was a busy day and I was happily ploughing through everything as the morning flew by – my favourite kind of work days.

At around 11:30am my phone rang, an outside number (unusual), and I answered professionally instead of my normal internal call “hello!”. It was Jennifer. She had to repeat her name twice before I caught on to who Jennifer was! After all, it had been five months since we spoke and she’d never called me – at work or home – before.

“Oh my goodness, hi! How are you? This is a surprise!” I said, as my mind ran through a list of possible reasons she could be calling, like curling or the summer festival, but none of them made sense to me.

My morning internal dialogue had been completely forgotten.

“Hey Ali, I’m good thanks. Look, I have called all over the place this weekend to get your number, and I’m sorry that I’ve left this call so late, but would you like to come along to an information session tonight about adoption?”

About Adoption….!!! (My heart starts beating faster…I flash back to my thought that morning and realise it was a “clear one”.)

“Hello, Ali?”

“Oh, sorry, uh, yes – yes I would very much like that.” I said with my heart pounding in my throat, and my whole body racing in one of those unbelievable ‘am I dreaming?’ feelings.

She went on to give me the details as I was starting to flush with the excitement of this moment, the universal provision of this moment.

I had plans that night already to go to a Mary Kay party that my friend was hosting. I called her immediately and told her I would be late to the party, and explained why. She was overjoyed for me, as was I.

I kept hearing my words to Jennifer repeat over and over as if said into my ear by someone else, “I would love to attend.”

It struck me as funny that I didn’t hesitate for a second, even though I had plans that night. I never have plans (!), and still I didn’t hesitate. I also never say yes right away – to anything – even things I want to attend!

It felt like universal forces making this happen, and who was I to mess with universal forces!?

The rest of the afternoon was passed in a dazed but happy manner.

Does this ever happen to you? Where you have that one clear as a bell thought, something pure, crisp, clean, it might be something that you want, or someone you haven’t seen for a while that you wonder about, and then not long after that thing/person appears in your life?

I remember one of the first “clearest” thoughts I’d ever had where I could tangibly tie it into the sequence of events that occurred right afterward. I was working for the Assistant Director of Human Resources in the Education Department in Australia. I was on my way back to my desk from the photocopy room and I was thinking about the conversation I’d had earlier that day with the Administration Manager of the Minister’s Office. I had this clear thought “I’d like to work there [in the Minister’s Office]”. It was one of the clearest, crispest, cleanest (for want of a more pure expression) thoughts I’d ever had, it was tangible, like it had been a large hot air balloon that I’d released from my mind into the atmosphere and if I’d been quick enough I could have grasped hold of it before it flew away, or if I’d looked quickly enough I would have visibly seen it floating away. I remember the feeling of it, and the clarity or tangibility of it stayed with me throughout the day repeating as though words I’d heard said by someone else into my ear.

24 hours later, my current boss called me into the office and told me that the Admin Manager (from the Minister’s Office) had just called him and asked if she could “poach me” for their office (as the PA to the Chief of Staff) and he wanted to know if that was something I would be interested in? I remember the excited chills running up my spine making my head feel as though it was expanding and close to explosion, as I recalled the clear as a bell thought from the day before still ringing in my ears. He explained to me that I didn’t have to take the job, but that it would be a great step for my career and while he would miss me he would support my choice if I chose to leave.

I chose to leave.

It was a great move for me and I quickly advanced to a position as an Editor to the Minister, my first taste of a true passion of mine. I knew that my thought, my thought so clear and pure and crisp from the day before, was what brought this opportunity to me. I felt it. And that knowledge was so exciting to me; I wanted to do it again! I remember thinking over and over “I am a multi-million dollar lottery winner”! I’m still waiting for that one… 🙂 and one day I’ll feel that crisp voice say it in my mind and I’ll know…

The thought I’d had that morning before Jennifer’s call, it had been one of the crisp ones.

So we were to meet at 5pm for a three hour introductory information session. When I arrived there were maybe three other people there for the session and some official looking people, Jennifer was one of them. I thanked her – again – for tracking me down (she repeated that she’d called several people over the weekend to get my contact number and then called my work when someone suggested that). I was so touched that she remembered me, and that she tried so hard to find me.

Pamphlets were laid out near the coffee pot and I took one of everything! Then found a seat at the front. The room started to fill up.

On the projected screen at the front was a page about foster care. And foster care became the main focus of our three hour session.

I asked a few questions, all of them about adoption. And then at the end of the session I cornered the social worker for adoption, Theresa, and asked her if I could make an appointment to discuss my options. She agreed and asked me to email her.

When I finally got to the Mary Kay party I was buzzing with excitement. I told everyone there where I’d been and how excited I was, and two of them burst into tears of joy for me. Made me feel even happier.

I shed my own tears, privately, later that night as I realised this was real, this was happening, and I’d just made an appointment to see a social worker the following week!

During the session they had alleviated my main concern, the medical exam was not an exam like I’d been through for Permanent Residency, it was a one page sheet to be filled out by my local doctor to say I am healthy and physically capable of being a parent. Phew. I could do that no problem! They had also mentioned that there was a lot of paperwork to fill out but that the social worker would be there every step of the way to help.

Taking that first step, and going to the information session actually made me feel like I could do this, and because it was such a Universal Forces moment, I felt warm and supported in it.

It felt like everything was falling into place, it felt like I was falling into the right place…

Warm smiles and Love,

Ali Jayne 🙂