Category Archives: Expectant Mother

Adoption – Maternal Instinct

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Expectant Mother – Adoption Journey Series…

To say I always wanted to be a mom would be a lie.

My relationship with my physical abilities as a female to create life has been a long and slow acceptance.

I am a romantic soul at heart and the creation of life was my most romantic notion of all. It was something I did not want to do until I was completely, fully, 100% in love – for the rest of my life in love – with the man of my dreams.

In my youth the thought of becoming pregnant terrified me. Not only would people know I’d had sex, but I’d get fat, and I’d have a baby at the end of it. The whole thing was horrifying. Especially the part about people knowing I had sex. I would see pregnant women with their husbands and think ‘ew, they had sex to make that happen, grosse‘.

I was a little immature about it you might say!

When I started dating my ex-husband in my late teens, his family all had children young. Three generations of late-teen-early-20’s mothers and they wanted me to join the ranks. I still remember telling his grandmother after what felt like the umpteenth time we’d had that conversation that “my mother was 35 when she had me and I plan to wait until then.”

They stopped pestering me for fear that I was serious. I was. Continue reading →

Adoption – First Home Study

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Expectant Mother – Adoption Journey Series…

On the very same day that I submitted my Questionnaire, I sent a follow up email to ensure Theresa received it.

Subject: Questionnaire complete
Hi Theresa,
I dropped off my questionnaire for you today.
Please let me know if you have any questions, or need any clarification. Sorry about all of the “extra columns” and additional notes/comments…hope that’s OK… I like to play outside of the lines a little!
It feels a little vulnerable to have filled that in and submitted it. Actually I can only imagine what picture forms from reading it…  I don’t feel uncomfortable about any of it myself, but from the outside looking in I realise it can appear “difficult”.
I’ll look forward to hearing from you, and look forward to the “next step” when it is ready to go ahead.
Ali

Theresa responded the same day and I appreciate that about her so much, she never left me hanging.

Thanks Ali…
I have reviewed the questionnaire already;  most people definitely feel as you do;  it’s a very vulnerable state to be in;  someone looking at your past and seeing its role in your present and future.  I have been through the process myself so I fully understand.
Believe me, there was nothing shocking.
So, next step is to start the home study process.
I would suggest meeting at your place some day after work or a day off;  I can be flexible.
Thinking maybe 1-1/5 hours…just as a guideline.
Take care

I was glad that there was nothing shocking in my questionnaire, and that she let me know she’d been through the process herself. That was helpful in allowing me to relax and have faith that she would not judge me because I had a sometimes unstable upbringing.

This was good news. Continue reading →

Mother, My – The Toilet Paper

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Expectant Mother – Things I learned from mine…

I’ve talked a little bit now about my mother and I felt I should share a few stories from my childhood, like the one below. It is a direct excerpt from a book I’m writing about my experiences with my mother, entitled Mother, My.

I hope in some way this story will help others too. Perhaps to know you are doing a great job as a mom, or to know you didn’t have the craziest mom on the block, or maybe just to inspire you to call your mom and say “thanks for being there” if she was even the slightest bit wonderful.

Ali’s Preamble…

Sometimes it’s easy to forget that parents are just people, just regular people, with the addition of a huge responsibility – the one of raising children. Yes, it can be one of the most beautiful and rewarding things you can do, if you see it that way, but it is also additional responsibility on your everyday life. Being a parent is generally done on top of the other things in life such as work, rest, and a little play too (though many parents go without this for a time). Plus there are the additional financial responsibilities, the basics – food, clothing, shelter – and all of the extras if they are within your reach – activities, sports, dance, music, camps, courses, vacations, parties, etc… It can be a never ending list of a lot of extra “stuff”.

Is it any wonder that those people who don’t notice the many beautiful and rewarding parts of child-raising, those who have not really connected with the joy of having children, and those who only see the responsibilities would, at some point, crack and break?

This is one of those stories. Continue reading →

Adoption – My Questionnaire

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Expectant Mother – Adoption Journey Series…

Once all of the references came back, the police check was cleared, and the forms I’d submitted were processed, it was time for the “next step”…

The Questionnaire.

This is a questionnaire about my background, my family, my upbringing, my relationship with my parents, my parents relationship with each other, and about how I was raised.

Theresa emailed me and said:

Wow Ali, your information  has come in fast and furious…
I have all references, criminal record check  (clear) and physicians report
So, step 2  –  Questionnaire #1:
You need to read, complete and submit back to me the Questionnaire 1 form.  Would you like to grab it at the office or i can email it to you…please let me know.  It shouldn’t take you too long to complete…
Once it is completed and I take a look at it, we can set up our first home visit…

Part of my insides were screaming, “whoa, this is too fast, too soon, we need the whole year to relax into this and be completely ready before we surge forward.” The other part of me that loves to compete with myself said, “woo-hoo, we’re already at step 2 and she said we’re fast!”. Continue reading →

Adoption – References

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Expectant Mother – Adoption Journey Series…

References.

Point number three on the Adoption Application Form almost stopped me in my tracks.

A minimum of four references are required, including one from each of the following:

  1. an individual who has known the applicant(s) for a minimum of 2 years;
  2. an individual who has had an active association with the applicant(s) over the previous 6 months;
  3. an involved member of the applicant(s) extended family; and
  4. if there are any adult children living outside of the home, at least one of these children. (if there are no adult children, please include another reference from #2)

This was one of the things that made me feel like perhaps I shouldn’t get my hopes up. One of the references had to be a family member.

“an involved member of the applicant(s) extended family;”

Technically, I don’t have any family that I could ask. Continue reading →

Adoption – Required Forms

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Expectant Mother – Adoption Journey Series…

Following on from the previous post, I felt this information might be helpful to others who are reading along and thinking about adoption…

The required forms were as follows:

  • The Application to Adopt – a five page document that is about you. Your work history, cultural/racial heritage, belief systems, interests, financial standing, medical history, upbringing, and references.
  • The Adoption Questionnaire – this is a two page questionnaire about the children that you would like to adopt. It asks questions like age, race, religion, disabilities the child may have, and the types of backgrounds they may come from (experiences they may have encountered in their short, sometimes uncomfortable lives). This form comes with a booklet of explanations on some of the health issues and mental challenges listed to assist you to make your choices.
  • Then there were two or three other forms, that were one page forms giving consent for things like criminal records check, and consent to collection and disclosure of information.

When I say that the forms that are required to be considered as an adoptive parent candidate are not as scary as I had imagined, I feel as though I have a little authority on this matter – as an immigrant to Canada I had to fill in A LOT of forms to become a citizen (starting with a working visa, then permanent residency, then citizenship). So in comparison, the forms for adoption are a piece of cake!

Of course, you do still need to know where you lived for the last five years, where you worked, what your income and expenses are, and you will need to write a little about your spiritual beliefs and how you might want to raise your children. But with a little thought and attention you can easily fill in The Application to Adopt form in under an hour.

The Questionnaire was a little trickier, Continue reading →

Adoption – First meeting with my social worker

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Expectant Mother – Adoption Journey Series…

Theresa had given me her email address the night we met at the Adoption Information Session to get in contact with her about a follow up meeting, and I emailed her the very next day.

Hi Theresa,
Thank you for holding the information session yesterday evening.  And please thank Jennifer and Sally too.
As mentioned last night, I would like to explore adoption (and possibly foster care) and am interested in talking about the process and the next steps. If you have some time in the next few weeks to get together I would greatly appreciate it.
Here are the times I have free and I hope something will gel for  us both!
·         Monday 10 June
·         Monday/Tuesday 17 & 18 June
·         Friday 21 June (after 4pm)
·         Mon-Fri 24-28 June (after 4pm)
Please let me know if any of these times work for you.
In the meantime, I will have a look at the websites you highlighted.
Thank you again,
Ali

I am not certain if this is the way others do it, maybe other people just get the information, fill in the forms and be done with it.

I needed to discuss the paperwork, the process, get a feel for the social worker first and see if this was a process that I trusted and that I wanted to follow through. I wanted more information and guidance, but more than anything I wanted encouragement, support, and assurance.

This meeting was important to me. Continue reading →

Adoption – First Whisper

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Expectant Mother – Adoption Journey Series…

As a student of the law of attraction for many years now I realise that there are no coincidences in life, however, as a human being with a human life (and lots of contrary beliefs going on inside of me) for many years more than my learning of the law of attraction – sometimes I forget that everything coming to me was pre-paved by me and I have a “wow, how did this happen?” moment! I love those moments! This was one of them, the first of many in my desire to become an adoptive parent. The First Whisper that adoption was possible for me.

Jennifer and I were both volunteering in the VIP tent at our town’s largest summer festival over the August long weekend. I am on the committee for this festival and work wherever needed, that year it was the VIP tent. Jennifer is married to one of the committee members and has been volunteering for the VIP tent since its introduction a few years ago.

I’ve met Jennifer many times before and always enjoyed talking with her, however, we’d never gotten to the point of “what do you do?”

During those two long days standing around serving our VIP’s beer and wine, we started talking about all sorts of things. Eventually, our occupations came up and she told me that she is a social worker placing foster kids in our community.

I was interested immediately and I told her I’d thought about fostering children and might be interested one day, and I lightly mentioned that I’d really like to adopt children. (At this point I didn’t believe that was possible as a single person.)

We went about serving some more customers, while my mind whirred with questions, when the line died down I ventured…, “do you know much about the adoption system?” Continue reading →