Expectant Mother – Adoption Journey Series… A Clean Slate I feel as though I’m seeing the world through new eyes, I’m noticing things around me that I never noticed before from the perspective of a parent, I’m delving into myself … Continue reading
Happy Halloween!!! Hope you all had an OOky, spOOky night last week for Halloween! Halloween is one of the many “holidays” that I look forward to spending with my children. (“” for is it really a holiday when we all … Continue reading
Like many expectant mothers, I am analyzing everything I do now, everything I believe now, I’m imagining future scenarios and future conversations with my children at various stages of their life – and at various ages.
I’m wondering if I am truly equipped to be a mom.
Am I ready enough? Sane enough? Stable enough?
Good questions right!?
And the big one:
(That’s the one that always gets me) Continue reading
I was talking with some friends the other night, and one of the guys was asking me about the process of adoption.
While we were talking we got onto the subject of children that hadn’t been cuddled as they were growing up, who didn’t know affection or love from their parents.
The guy scoffed and said, “My parents didn’t hug me when I was a child, and I turned out OK. What about you?…” directing his question to the rest of the people at the table.
The whole table erupted at once. Continue reading
My relationship with my physical abilities as a female to create life has been a long and slow acceptance.
I am a romantic soul at heart and the creation of life was my most romantic notion of all. It was something I did not want to do until I was completely, fully, 100% in love – for the rest of my life in love – with the man of my dreams.
In my youth the thought of becoming pregnant terrified me. Not only would people know I’d had sex, but I’d get fat, and I’d have a baby at the end of it. The whole thing was horrifying. Especially the part about people knowing I had sex. I would see pregnant women with their husbands and think ‘ew, they had sex to make that happen, grosse‘.
I was a little immature about it you might say!
When I started dating my ex-husband in my late teens, his family all had children young. Three generations of late-teen-early-20’s mothers and they wanted me to join the ranks. I still remember telling his grandmother after what felt like the umpteenth time we’d had that conversation that “my mother was 35 when she had me and I plan to wait until then.”
They stopped pestering me for fear that I was serious. I was. Continue reading
On the very same day that I submitted my Questionnaire, I sent a follow up email to ensure Theresa received it.
Subject: Questionnaire complete
Hi Theresa,
I dropped off my questionnaire for you today.
Please let me know if you have any questions, or need any clarification. Sorry about all of the “extra columns” and additional notes/comments…hope that’s OK… I like to play outside of the lines a little!
It feels a little vulnerable to have filled that in and submitted it. Actually I can only imagine what picture forms from reading it… I don’t feel uncomfortable about any of it myself, but from the outside looking in I realise it can appear “difficult”.
I’ll look forward to hearing from you, and look forward to the “next step” when it is ready to go ahead.
Ali
Theresa responded the same day and I appreciate that about her so much, she never left me hanging.
Thanks Ali…
I have reviewed the questionnaire already; most people definitely feel as you do; it’s a very vulnerable state to be in; someone looking at your past and seeing its role in your present and future. I have been through the process myself so I fully understand.
Believe me, there was nothing shocking.
So, next step is to start the home study process.
I would suggest meeting at your place some day after work or a day off; I can be flexible.
Thinking maybe 1-1/5 hours…just as a guideline.
Take care
I was glad that there was nothing shocking in my questionnaire, and that she let me know she’d been through the process herself. That was helpful in allowing me to relax and have faith that she would not judge me because I had a sometimes unstable upbringing.
This was good news. Continue reading
I’ve talked a little bit now about my mother and I felt I should share a few stories from my childhood, like the one below. It is a direct excerpt from a book I’m writing about my experiences with my mother, entitled Mother, My.
I hope in some way this story will help others too. Perhaps to know you are doing a great job as a mom, or to know you didn’t have the craziest mom on the block, or maybe just to inspire you to call your mom and say “thanks for being there” if she was even the slightest bit wonderful.
Sometimes it’s easy to forget that parents are just people, just regular people, with the addition of a huge responsibility – the one of raising children. Yes, it can be one of the most beautiful and rewarding things you can do, if you see it that way, but it is also additional responsibility on your everyday life. Being a parent is generally done on top of the other things in life such as work, rest, and a little play too (though many parents go without this for a time). Plus there are the additional financial responsibilities, the basics – food, clothing, shelter – and all of the extras if they are within your reach – activities, sports, dance, music, camps, courses, vacations, parties, etc… It can be a never ending list of a lot of extra “stuff”.
Is it any wonder that those people who don’t notice the many beautiful and rewarding parts of child-raising, those who have not really connected with the joy of having children, and those who only see the responsibilities would, at some point, crack and break?
This is one of those stories. Continue reading