“A ten second child in a five second world”

This is the quote I recently heard from a parent who was trying to describe children with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD).

Some parents I know have suggested it is more like a thirty minute child in a five second world, and that is really a good example of the vast and varying spectrum that is FASD. With a range from mild to extreme.

No two cases are the same, though most are similar in their symptoms. A great resource for a clear look at FASD and the symptoms is this page on the AFABC website.

We delved further into how this disorder affects children this week during the AEP course module on prenatal exposure and I found some of the information shared surprising.

Such as:

Alcohol is by far the most dangerous substance a mother could consume during pregnancy. FASD is a direct result of alcohol consumption and the brain damage caused is PERMANENT. There is no cure for FASD, it is a lifelong permanent mental disability (of varying severities).

That’s right… brain damage. FASD is a permanent mental disability.

Surprised? I was.

Drugs such as heroin, while still adversely affecting child development, does not cause permanent damage and with the right resources and therapies can be overcome.

Surprised? I was shocked. As were many others attending the course.

Especially when Alcohol is so readily available, is not illegal, and, unless a pregnancy is planned, in our society a mother is likely to be drinking in the first few months before she knows she is pregnant. With what I’ve learned this week, this is terrifying.

The information provided did state that if a woman changes her lifestyle immediately when she discovers she is pregnant then the damage may be reduced, but it is likely still to occur.

It was a new way of seeing this disorder for me.

I even read the book earlier in the year called “Trying Differently Rather than Harder” which is a book on FASD and how to parent a child within the spectrum. Nowhere in the book did I get the impression that this was a permanent, unmoving, incurable disorder.

From the information provided in the course, it also appears that it is difficult to diagnose, and difficult to garner the severity of a diagnosis even when you have one. It seems that this is a disorder with a more “time will tell” kind of approach.

This module was very careful to repeatedly state that FASD is permanent, children affected will never “grow out of it”, and they will never “recover”. Which was something I had believed until this week.

The question was posed to us to consider if we could parent a child who may never live independently, a child who may forever need assistance in life.

A good question and one they advised us to consider very carefully.

On the Questionnaire that I filled in at the beginning of the adoption process I was asked how I felt about a child who was exposed in utero to alcohol and how I felt about a child exposed to drugs (either illicit or over the counter – which I discovered this week are equally as damaging), and at the time I felt that drugs would be worse than the commonly used and accessible alcohol.

I’ve even heard moms that I know whose doctors as recently as last year were telling them that a glass of wine now and then is fine while they are pregnant! So I figured if doctors are still recommending this, how could it be so bad? I was wrong.

And now, after the information I received this week, I am feeling more comfortable about parenting a child who has been exposed to drugs – even hard drugs like heroin – during pregnancy, than I am with the idea of parenting a child who was exposed to heavy alcohol consumption during pregnancy.

Adoption is a lifelong commitment and careful consideration of the potential disorders and challenges that many adoptive parents face is crucial.

It is also a very personal decision. Not one I take lightly. I appreciate that what is right for me, what I feel equipped to handle, is not right for others – and thank goodness there are as many and varied adoptive parents out there as there are children waiting for adoption!

It’s not all bad news:

Now, I do have friends who have adopted children from the Ministry who have FASD, and yes their children have learning difficulties, they are hyperactive, they do have to be guided again and again to do simple tasks that they were able to do yesterday but not today, they exhibit the many symptoms and signs for this spectrum…but these are also amazing kids who are gifted in many ways. Most of them are creative and artistic in some way, with music, arts, crafts, cooking, some are exceptional athletes, and some are extraordinarily intuitive.

And all of the parents I have spoken with (through personal contacts, forums, or other bloggers I have connected with) who have children with FASD, have said that they have learned so much from parenting their children.

They talk about being more compassionate toward others, more understanding, slowing down in their own way of interacting with life, appreciating more, sweating the small stuff less, laughing more, loving more, being creative more…

These are all positive and wonderful gifts that these children have brought into their lives.

Perhaps they have to change their lifestyle, perhaps they have to change their perspectives on parenting, perhaps they have to advocate every day to ensure their child gets the support that they need to succeed in life, and perhaps all of those are good changes to have in life and as a parent?

There is so much to consider, and once again I feel as though I’m no longer certain of what I felt certain of last week!

Perhaps that is too what parenting is about…!

A ten second child in a five second world.

It makes me think of other phrases not usually directed at children but primarily to adults who are always busy… “take time to smell the roses”, “stop, relax, and breathe”, even “think before you speak”.

Perhaps these children are here to remind us to slow down, take a beat, and remember that there is nowhere to be, nothing to do, there is only this moment and the people we get to share it with.

What about you? Do you have experience with FASD? Any thoughts you would like to share?

Warm smiles and Love,

Ali Jayne 🙂