Adoption – Single Parent

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Expectant Mother – Adoption Journey Series…

Is a Single Parent enough?

Like many expectant mothers, I am analyzing everything I do now, everything I believe now, I’m imagining future scenarios and future conversations with my children at various stages of their life – and at various ages.

I’m wondering if I am truly equipped to be a mom.

Am I ready enough? Sane enough? Stable enough?

Good questions right!?

And the big one:

Is it selfish to take children away from a potential two-parent family?

(That’s the one that always gets me) Continue reading →

Adoption – When I was a child

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Expectant Mother – Adoption Journey Series…

“When I was a child…”

I was talking with some friends the other night, and one of the guys was asking me about the process of adoption.

While we were talking we got onto the subject of children that hadn’t been cuddled as they were growing up, who didn’t know affection or love from their parents.

The guy scoffed and said, “My parents didn’t hug me when I was a child, and I turned out OK.  What about you?…” directing his question to the rest of the people at the table.

The whole table erupted at once. Continue reading →

Adoption – Maternal Instinct

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Expectant Mother – Adoption Journey Series…

To say I always wanted to be a mom would be a lie.

My relationship with my physical abilities as a female to create life has been a long and slow acceptance.

I am a romantic soul at heart and the creation of life was my most romantic notion of all. It was something I did not want to do until I was completely, fully, 100% in love – for the rest of my life in love – with the man of my dreams.

In my youth the thought of becoming pregnant terrified me. Not only would people know I’d had sex, but I’d get fat, and I’d have a baby at the end of it. The whole thing was horrifying. Especially the part about people knowing I had sex. I would see pregnant women with their husbands and think ‘ew, they had sex to make that happen, grosse‘.

I was a little immature about it you might say!

When I started dating my ex-husband in my late teens, his family all had children young. Three generations of late-teen-early-20’s mothers and they wanted me to join the ranks. I still remember telling his grandmother after what felt like the umpteenth time we’d had that conversation that “my mother was 35 when she had me and I plan to wait until then.”

They stopped pestering me for fear that I was serious. I was. Continue reading →

Adoption – First Home Study

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Expectant Mother – Adoption Journey Series…

On the very same day that I submitted my Questionnaire, I sent a follow up email to ensure Theresa received it.

Subject: Questionnaire complete
Hi Theresa,
I dropped off my questionnaire for you today.
Please let me know if you have any questions, or need any clarification. Sorry about all of the “extra columns” and additional notes/comments…hope that’s OK… I like to play outside of the lines a little!
It feels a little vulnerable to have filled that in and submitted it. Actually I can only imagine what picture forms from reading it…  I don’t feel uncomfortable about any of it myself, but from the outside looking in I realise it can appear “difficult”.
I’ll look forward to hearing from you, and look forward to the “next step” when it is ready to go ahead.
Ali

Theresa responded the same day and I appreciate that about her so much, she never left me hanging.

Thanks Ali…
I have reviewed the questionnaire already;  most people definitely feel as you do;  it’s a very vulnerable state to be in;  someone looking at your past and seeing its role in your present and future.  I have been through the process myself so I fully understand.
Believe me, there was nothing shocking.
So, next step is to start the home study process.
I would suggest meeting at your place some day after work or a day off;  I can be flexible.
Thinking maybe 1-1/5 hours…just as a guideline.
Take care

I was glad that there was nothing shocking in my questionnaire, and that she let me know she’d been through the process herself. That was helpful in allowing me to relax and have faith that she would not judge me because I had a sometimes unstable upbringing.

This was good news. Continue reading →

Citizenship – A really big decision…

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O Canada – Home is where the heart is…

Since announcing to the world that I passed the citizenship test and how excited I was to be on the home stretch, I have had many people comment:

“Wow, that’s a really big decision.” Or “That’s a really big step.”

And it got me thinking – is it a really big decision?

To me, it wasn’t. It’s something I have wanted for 10 years now, and moving countries is something I have wanted to do since I was a child, so for me, it was more like “Finally!” than “Holy cow this is a big step.”

However, I started thinking about the people making the comment and how for them it might be a huge decision. Many have lived their lives in a place that they called home, that has felt like home from the minute they emerged, likely with a group of people that they called family, and a sturdy base from which to grow and expand (and for many, not too far from where they were created). And even if they travelled – even extensively – they still did so with that sense of home waiting for them.

And under those circumstances it would be a really big decision. Continue reading →

O Canada

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O Canada… our (my) home and native land,
True patriot love, in all thy sons command…

Today – I took and PASSED the Canadian Citizenship test!  🙂

In 3-5 months (!!) I will be invited to attend a Citizenship Ceremony where I will speak the oath, sign the register, sing O Canada (in English and French) and then officially become a Canadian citizen! <3 <3 <3

…With glowing hearts we see the rise, the True North (*) strong and free…

It’s been 10 incredible years since I first set foot on Canadian soil and felt like I’d finally found my home.

Thank you Canada and all of my beautiful Canadian friends (and family) for enveloping me in love and hope. I am so excited that I will get to call Canada home now for life.

No matter what, this is a great reminder – Never give up, never surrender! Oh wait, that’s from the movie Galaxy Quest!

I meant to say… Never, EVER, give up!

May the next 10 years be even more amazing than the last, I can hardly wait to find out what they will hold! May the love in my heart continue to grow and flow.

…From far and wide O Canada we stand on guard for thee,
God keep our land glorious and free,
O Canada we stand on guard for thee,
O Canada we stand on guard for thee!

I feel very proud today. <3

Warm smiles and Love,
Ali Jayne 🙂

Law of Attraction – Mystical Clarity @ 4am…

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The Law of Attraction Series

Recently I had some bad news, devastating news even, and as I sat in that chair hearing the news, seeing the person’s mouth move, hearing the words, trying – struggling – to comprehend what they were saying and knowing that what they were saying was not at all who I was or what I was about, I wondered, “how will I turn this around?”

I felt sick to my stomach with the information I had been given, the judgments that had been placed on me. But I had no time to wallow, it all happened right before another meeting I had to attend to take minutes for a local community organisation.

Taking minutes was the distraction I needed and because it was the “after the event” meeting, it went long. Really long. By the time I got home I only had time to shower and go to bed – exhausted I slept, until around 4am when I woke…and remembered.

For a brief moment I panicked, scared that the whole world would come crashing down around me. With a deep breath I wouldn’t allow it – I would not allow someone else to define how I felt about myself. No way. Nor would I allow this information to take away the excited optimistic childlike self that I am most of the time. I had been on top of the world for months now, excited about the direction my life was taking, excited about the internal growth that went with the future I was imagining, and overjoyed to be on the path to becoming a parent. Continue reading →

Mother, My – The Toilet Paper

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Expectant Mother – Things I learned from mine…

I’ve talked a little bit now about my mother and I felt I should share a few stories from my childhood, like the one below. It is a direct excerpt from a book I’m writing about my experiences with my mother, entitled Mother, My.

I hope in some way this story will help others too. Perhaps to know you are doing a great job as a mom, or to know you didn’t have the craziest mom on the block, or maybe just to inspire you to call your mom and say “thanks for being there” if she was even the slightest bit wonderful.

Ali’s Preamble…

Sometimes it’s easy to forget that parents are just people, just regular people, with the addition of a huge responsibility – the one of raising children. Yes, it can be one of the most beautiful and rewarding things you can do, if you see it that way, but it is also additional responsibility on your everyday life. Being a parent is generally done on top of the other things in life such as work, rest, and a little play too (though many parents go without this for a time). Plus there are the additional financial responsibilities, the basics – food, clothing, shelter – and all of the extras if they are within your reach – activities, sports, dance, music, camps, courses, vacations, parties, etc… It can be a never ending list of a lot of extra “stuff”.

Is it any wonder that those people who don’t notice the many beautiful and rewarding parts of child-raising, those who have not really connected with the joy of having children, and those who only see the responsibilities would, at some point, crack and break?

This is one of those stories. Continue reading →

Adoption – My Questionnaire

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Expectant Mother – Adoption Journey Series…

Once all of the references came back, the police check was cleared, and the forms I’d submitted were processed, it was time for the “next step”…

The Questionnaire.

This is a questionnaire about my background, my family, my upbringing, my relationship with my parents, my parents relationship with each other, and about how I was raised.

Theresa emailed me and said:

Wow Ali, your information  has come in fast and furious…
I have all references, criminal record check  (clear) and physicians report
So, step 2  –  Questionnaire #1:
You need to read, complete and submit back to me the Questionnaire 1 form.  Would you like to grab it at the office or i can email it to you…please let me know.  It shouldn’t take you too long to complete…
Once it is completed and I take a look at it, we can set up our first home visit…

Part of my insides were screaming, “whoa, this is too fast, too soon, we need the whole year to relax into this and be completely ready before we surge forward.” The other part of me that loves to compete with myself said, “woo-hoo, we’re already at step 2 and she said we’re fast!”. Continue reading →

Adoption – References

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Expectant Mother – Adoption Journey Series…

References.

Point number three on the Adoption Application Form almost stopped me in my tracks.

A minimum of four references are required, including one from each of the following:

  1. an individual who has known the applicant(s) for a minimum of 2 years;
  2. an individual who has had an active association with the applicant(s) over the previous 6 months;
  3. an involved member of the applicant(s) extended family; and
  4. if there are any adult children living outside of the home, at least one of these children. (if there are no adult children, please include another reference from #2)

This was one of the things that made me feel like perhaps I shouldn’t get my hopes up. One of the references had to be a family member.

“an involved member of the applicant(s) extended family;”

Technically, I don’t have any family that I could ask. Continue reading →