As happens with all questions that linger in your mind, the answer seems to come in surprising and delightful ways…

Last week I posted how I felt conflicted about giving my surname to my future children because I no longer have contact with my stepfamily.

At an annual community event I met a little girl who changed my perspective and like a little angel gave me the answer that I had been seeking.

It was quite amazing really. You see, her first name was my surname. The surname that is my stepfamily name and was causing me some conflict about whether I should continue to use it, or if I should give it to my future children.

I play tenor drum in our local pipes & drums band, and we were waiting to perform at this community event.

This spunky little girl walked right up to me and asked me to show her how to twirl my sticks. She was 8 years old, inquisitive, confident, friendly, happy, and interested in the drums. (What 8 year old wouldn’t love to beat on some drums if allowed?!)

I showed her how to hold and tie on my sticks, how to twirl them, and then I let her bash my drum like crazy. She was delighted, and her enthusiasm was contagious.

Grinning at each other, we switched hats, she wore my band uniform hat (called a Glen) and I wore her pink unicorn ball cap.

She wanted to try all of the drums in our band and she took my hand as we went from instrument to instrument. Each time I was teaching her how to hold the sticks or how to make a sound she leaned into me, and, I have to admit this little girl totally stole my heart.

When I asked her what her name was she told me and I was stunned. I told her that her name is my surname and she was awed and exclaimed “we’re the same!” and my heart melted a little more.

In personality, she was the image of the daughter I often imagine I would like to have.

Her mom came over to us and worried that she was getting in the way, she looked ready to apologise and drag her back to her seat. I assured her that she was behaving beautifully and she was welcome to stay with us. I then asked if she wanted to take some photos of her daughter wearing the drum, the hat, and the holding the sticks. Both mother and daughter looked delighted at the suggestion. She posed with the hugest grin on her face as her mom snapped pictures on her phone. I wish I’d asked for copies to remember this moment in time, not that I will need them… this beautiful moment is imprinted in my brain.

Eventually, it was our turn to march for this community event. The little girl ran up ahead and waved and grinned at us as we marched by, and then ran to the finish line to clap as we ended our march.

I choked up. Tears fell freely as I imagined that this little 8 year old girl may be exactly like my child in the not too distant future… running alongside the band as we march in a parade, beaming a smile and waving as we go by, waiting for me at the end of the parade to clap in delight as we finish.

It felt like a glimpse into the future and made my heart swell with hope.

I wonder if all pre-adoptive parents feel this way? And if they all take notice of children around them and wonder if their future child will be like that one, or will be as outgoing as this one, or will be as quiet and shy as another? I often catch myself observing children wondering what kinds of personalities my children will have. 

This incredible coincidence (no such thing) of her name was a huge neon sign that my stepfamily name is a GREAT name, a strong family name, no matter its origins.

I have always liked it, and this little blue eyed blonde haired angel showed me that it’s a perfectly good name to pass on to my children.

Many thanks to my little friend and many thanks to the Universe for sending her to me in that moment with the answer to my question:

Is this name alright to give my children? Yes, it is.

Its origins are part of my background, part of my happiest childhood years, and while my children will have no connection with that past of mine, nor will they ever meet the stepfather whose name our family will bear, I will tell them about him and how he was my favourite parent.

And perhaps that is enough.

Warm smiles and Love,

Ali Jayne 🙂