Tag Archives: Adoption

Adoption – A safe haven

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Expectant Mother – Adoption Journey Series…

Discovery Kids Castle – A safe haven

Let me start this post by saying, this year did not feel like Christmas to me. (sorry for the negative start!)

Now there may have been something in the water because many people in my town voiced this same sentiment without any prompt or comment from me first.

Several things come to mind about why this might be.

  • We had no snow this year, only rain, which made it seem more like fall or spring than winter (still does).
  • I missed the Christmas Parade this year because I was away, and the parade is always a good start to Christmas.
  • I had a cold – and so did almost everyone in my town! A cold is never a fun way to spend the holidays.

As an expectant mother now, knowing that I’m months away from approval as an adoptive parent, knowing that “this time” next year I could be a mom, made this Christmas seem like a bit of a letdown.

Sure, I’ve been on my own for a few years now so being alone at Christmas was not the issue, I actually adore time on my own and Christmas is one of my favourite times of the year. I love all the glitz and sparkles and lights and trimmings. I always still put up a tree, wrap gifts for friends underneath the tree, watch terrible Christmas movies, sing Christmas songs (love Christmas music!), make a small turkey dinner with all the extras, eat Christmas cake and too many chocolates while sipping hot eggnog and rum. I adore Christmas.

And I still did all of that this year too but felt a little “ho-hum” about it.

One thing I did do that surprised me and made me feel a little excited for what is to come, was I bought my future kids a Christmas gift… Continue reading →

Adoption – Second Home Study

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Expectant Mother – Adoption Journey Series… The Second Home Study Full-disclosure. Rape, Alcohol, Pot, Sexual History, Relationships… The second home study came a few weeks after the first, and I felt a little less nerve-wracked than the first time… but … Continue reading →

Adoption – A Clean Slate

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Expectant Mother – Adoption Journey Series… A Clean Slate I feel as though I’m seeing the world through new eyes, I’m noticing things around me that I never noticed before from the perspective of a parent, I’m delving into myself … Continue reading →

Adoption – Single Parent

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Expectant Mother – Adoption Journey Series…

Is a Single Parent enough?

Like many expectant mothers, I am analyzing everything I do now, everything I believe now, I’m imagining future scenarios and future conversations with my children at various stages of their life – and at various ages.

I’m wondering if I am truly equipped to be a mom.

Am I ready enough? Sane enough? Stable enough?

Good questions right!?

And the big one:

Is it selfish to take children away from a potential two-parent family?

(That’s the one that always gets me) Continue reading →

Adoption – When I was a child

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Expectant Mother – Adoption Journey Series…

“When I was a child…”

I was talking with some friends the other night, and one of the guys was asking me about the process of adoption.

While we were talking we got onto the subject of children that hadn’t been cuddled as they were growing up, who didn’t know affection or love from their parents.

The guy scoffed and said, “My parents didn’t hug me when I was a child, and I turned out OK.  What about you?…” directing his question to the rest of the people at the table.

The whole table erupted at once. Continue reading →

Adoption – Maternal Instinct

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Expectant Mother – Adoption Journey Series…

To say I always wanted to be a mom would be a lie.

My relationship with my physical abilities as a female to create life has been a long and slow acceptance.

I am a romantic soul at heart and the creation of life was my most romantic notion of all. It was something I did not want to do until I was completely, fully, 100% in love – for the rest of my life in love – with the man of my dreams.

In my youth the thought of becoming pregnant terrified me. Not only would people know I’d had sex, but I’d get fat, and I’d have a baby at the end of it. The whole thing was horrifying. Especially the part about people knowing I had sex. I would see pregnant women with their husbands and think ‘ew, they had sex to make that happen, grosse‘.

I was a little immature about it you might say!

When I started dating my ex-husband in my late teens, his family all had children young. Three generations of late-teen-early-20’s mothers and they wanted me to join the ranks. I still remember telling his grandmother after what felt like the umpteenth time we’d had that conversation that “my mother was 35 when she had me and I plan to wait until then.”

They stopped pestering me for fear that I was serious. I was. Continue reading →

Adoption – First Home Study

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Expectant Mother – Adoption Journey Series…

On the very same day that I submitted my Questionnaire, I sent a follow up email to ensure Theresa received it.

Subject: Questionnaire complete
Hi Theresa,
I dropped off my questionnaire for you today.
Please let me know if you have any questions, or need any clarification. Sorry about all of the “extra columns” and additional notes/comments…hope that’s OK… I like to play outside of the lines a little!
It feels a little vulnerable to have filled that in and submitted it. Actually I can only imagine what picture forms from reading it…  I don’t feel uncomfortable about any of it myself, but from the outside looking in I realise it can appear “difficult”.
I’ll look forward to hearing from you, and look forward to the “next step” when it is ready to go ahead.
Ali

Theresa responded the same day and I appreciate that about her so much, she never left me hanging.

Thanks Ali…
I have reviewed the questionnaire already;  most people definitely feel as you do;  it’s a very vulnerable state to be in;  someone looking at your past and seeing its role in your present and future.  I have been through the process myself so I fully understand.
Believe me, there was nothing shocking.
So, next step is to start the home study process.
I would suggest meeting at your place some day after work or a day off;  I can be flexible.
Thinking maybe 1-1/5 hours…just as a guideline.
Take care

I was glad that there was nothing shocking in my questionnaire, and that she let me know she’d been through the process herself. That was helpful in allowing me to relax and have faith that she would not judge me because I had a sometimes unstable upbringing.

This was good news. Continue reading →

Adoption – References

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Expectant Mother – Adoption Journey Series…

References.

Point number three on the Adoption Application Form almost stopped me in my tracks.

A minimum of four references are required, including one from each of the following:

  1. an individual who has known the applicant(s) for a minimum of 2 years;
  2. an individual who has had an active association with the applicant(s) over the previous 6 months;
  3. an involved member of the applicant(s) extended family; and
  4. if there are any adult children living outside of the home, at least one of these children. (if there are no adult children, please include another reference from #2)

This was one of the things that made me feel like perhaps I shouldn’t get my hopes up. One of the references had to be a family member.

“an involved member of the applicant(s) extended family;”

Technically, I don’t have any family that I could ask. Continue reading →

Adoption – First meeting with my social worker

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Expectant Mother – Adoption Journey Series…

Theresa had given me her email address the night we met at the Adoption Information Session to get in contact with her about a follow up meeting, and I emailed her the very next day.

Hi Theresa,
Thank you for holding the information session yesterday evening.  And please thank Jennifer and Sally too.
As mentioned last night, I would like to explore adoption (and possibly foster care) and am interested in talking about the process and the next steps. If you have some time in the next few weeks to get together I would greatly appreciate it.
Here are the times I have free and I hope something will gel for  us both!
·         Monday 10 June
·         Monday/Tuesday 17 & 18 June
·         Friday 21 June (after 4pm)
·         Mon-Fri 24-28 June (after 4pm)
Please let me know if any of these times work for you.
In the meantime, I will have a look at the websites you highlighted.
Thank you again,
Ali

I am not certain if this is the way others do it, maybe other people just get the information, fill in the forms and be done with it.

I needed to discuss the paperwork, the process, get a feel for the social worker first and see if this was a process that I trusted and that I wanted to follow through. I wanted more information and guidance, but more than anything I wanted encouragement, support, and assurance.

This meeting was important to me. Continue reading →