Two years ago Saturday I was approved as an adoptive parent. My home study was signed off by me and the team leader at the Ministry of Child and Family Development and I was approved.
Two years. It feels like a lifetime ago.
Just the other day someone asked me how long ago it was and I told them three years, believing I’ve been in the “process” for four years now.
Four years because it took just over one year from signing the first application form to approval.
It seems I was wrong; it’s only been just over 3 years from start to now, two years since approval.
That means the match with H&B was less than 2 years ago. That also feels like a lifetime ago. And I still think about H, still look at her photos sometimes, still wonder how she’s doing, and if she was placed with a great family. I hope so.
For the past 15 months my hold up has been affordability of housing…not at all that there are no matches out there.
Although, to be honest, my SW stopped trying to match me earlier this year after we discussed the housing situation in our town, so I don’t really know if I would have been suitably matched with a child or children in that time.
Again, this is good news.
This means that there was only about 9 months of actively seeking a match where none was found. And of those 9 months I was actually matched with two children but it fell through.
So let’s say there have been 6 months of actively seeking a match where none was found.
That’s not so bad.
In that time, I have learned more about who I am and who I might be as a mom.
I rescued an amazing kitty named Greyson, who has become my beloved fur-baby.
Greyson had an accident at the end of last year and was bailed up for 3 months with constant care required. That was literally the most difficult time of my life, thus far.
I was exhausted; drained mentally, physically, and emotionally.
My friends told me that it was a glimpse into motherhood. The experience was like having a newborn, except that you can’t leave a newborn during the day to go to work – well you can of course in the care of someone else, but I knew what they meant.
My evenings and weekends were no longer my own. I made Greyson my number one priority over and above my own comfort. I slept on the couch for months so he could have the quiet of the bedroom. I ate quickly when time permitted between my nursing duties. His constant need for assistance and/or attention during that time was difficult for me to cope.
But I made it.
We made it.
And our relationship is beautiful. I couldn’t imagine life without my little fur-ball and our connection is so sweet.
Now I know that a kitty, even one that gets all of my “mumma love”, is different to a child.
However, I believe that experience was a good one for me to have and did give me an insight into parenthood of a child.
I think about who that child might be, and what it might feel like to have him (or her) with me in this moment.
The things we would do, the foods we would eat, the stories we would read, even the tantrums that might occur; I imagine it all.
I think about his (or her) personality, what he might like, what will make him laugh, what will make him cry, how he will interact with the world around us, and with me.
The pop up reminder today gave me relief. Two years is not so bad. I was feeling like I’d been waiting forever, like the housing situation was sucking the years away. And while those feelings are accurate, I have not been waiting as long as I thought.
I have another year up my sleeve compared to yesterday and this gives me a feeling of relief.
Maybe this year ahead will be the one.
Maybe an amazing opportunity with a housing option will come up soon that will allow me to re-start the adoption process and be matched with my future child/ren.
It has not been as long as I thought, and there is still hope.
And I keep moving forward.
- Applying for jobs in towns that are more affordable.
- Networking with those who may be able to connect me with the right people.
- Researching locations, including a trip to the East Coast to see if Nova Scotia would be suitable – and oh my goodness, it is AMAZING out there. I would move there in a heartbeat if I could find a job that would justify the move.
I am moving forward and I believe that the next time my approval anniversary rolls around, I will be able to celebrate the date with my child/ren.
Warm smiles and Love,